[Featured on @YARomance, @NA, @Teenfiction, @Contemporarylit]
"I feel him lean closer towards me and softly whispers into my ear, 'I just want the best for you.' I almost shiver at the rumbles his deep voice sends down my back, before he releases th...
Even from inside my room, I can hear muffled shouts from Stephanie outside. I sure hope she doesn't get them kicked out of the hospital. I quickly wipe my eyes before they come back, even though I know it's still obvious I had cried.
They slowly trail back in, Lincoln comes over and strokes my shoulder. "Are you alright?" he asks, barely above a whisper.
I don't know whether I am or not. It feels like a heavy weight has been lifted off my shoulders, but it also feels like a part of me was lifted away as well. I want to say that hole in my heart can be filled by Lincoln, but I really don't know if it can. I just nod meekly, "Yeah...I'm fine."
I look over at Stephanie, who still looks riled up. I choke out a small laugh. "Thanks Steph."
She shrugs. "Just wait till the next time I see him, he'll wish he was still in the hospital."
Ray's eyes widen. "She's...kidding," he says, sternly looking at her.
I look around the room at everyone's stressed and exhausted faces. "Steph, Ray? Please fly to Ottawa tonight, it's nearly Christmas and I don't want to keep you away from your family for any longer," I feel extremely guilty.
It takes a lot of convincing, but she begrudgingly accepts. "We're going to check up on you everyday while we're gone though." She takes out her phone and books them tickets for tonight. She and Ray both give me hugs and say bye to Lincoln as well when they leave.
Lincoln holds my hand. I absentmindedly draw random patterns on his hand with my thumb. We sit in a comfortable silence for a bit before he breaks it, "I know you had a complicated thing with Jason, I understand if you're still overwhelmed by your feelings."
I guess I've been wearing my emotions on my sleeve since Jason left. "Thank you," I say, looking into his sapphire blue eyes. They aren't bright like they used to be, I see sadness hidden behind them. "Do you mind if I asked you to head home for the night? It's getting late and I...I think I need some time alone," I ask quietly.
He looks a bit hurt. I know my words must have stung, but I really just need time to recuperate. "Alright, goodnight Katie, I'll see you tomorrow." He kisses me before leaving.
Tears start spilling as soon as he shuts the door behind him. I spent over two months so desperately wanting Jason, even if that meant just taking tiny little pieces of him that I struggled to hold on to. It's like I was taking pinches of sand out of the desert, and getting hurt every time. Meanwhile he took away so much of me each time, till I was just a fragile mess without enough parts to keep me together. I was an idiot to let him keep taking more.
He came today, gave me the attention I used to crave so badly, and I sent him away. I decided I never wanted to see him again, like it was nothing.
I can't even begin to imagine how Lincoln has been feeling. I've always had feelings for him, but the little voice in my head convinced me to keep those thoughts away. I know I'm going to be carrying an immense amount of guilt for a long time.
A nurse comes in to check on me, and sees the tears. He asks if I'm in a lot of pain, and if I need medicine. I don't know if the pain I'm feeling is coming from my injuries, or my broken heart.
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I hear light knocking on the door before it opens. Lincoln comes in, holding a takeout bag again. I look at the clock, it's 9 am. I squint a bit, the blinds here don't block out much light. "Got an entire extra hour of sleep this time," he says playfully.
He comes towards my bed, and I feel a rush of emotions go through me, I can't even tell which ones they are, before I reach out and wordlessly pull him into a tight hug. It hurts my arm, but I don't care, it's a good kind of pain right now. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry Lincoln," I blubber into his shoulder. "I shouldn't have left you, I should've spoken to you, I worried you, I'm so sorry," I manage to get out in one shaky breath, my voice cracking multiple times.
"Katie shh, it's OK," he seems a bit surprised at my outburst but comforts me as I crumble into him. He strokes my back and hair until I calm down. "You alright?" he whispers into my ear after my breathing has steadied for a bit.
I nod, but I don't want to let go. I hear him chuckle a little against my ear as he starts to pull away but I just tighten my grip. I eventually let go, he looks at me with a sincere smile. "I love you Lincoln," I say shakily.
"I love you too Katie, and I forgive you," he says, holding my cheek. The sparkle in his bright blue eyes have returned.
We spend the morning eating one-hand friendly food, he got sandwiches from my favorite food truck, and asked them to cut mine into quarters instead of halves. He brought his laptop so we watch some shows and movies on Netflix as well.
As much as it'll hurt, I decide I want to talk about the last couple months. I want to get everything out in the open so we can tie up any loose ends, and not be holding onto secrets. I have always believed that you have to let go of the past before you can move on to the future.
