crash the model

Chapter 2

Suddenly the boy met my gaze and I couldn’t stand being surrounded by the smell and the crying people anymore. I thought I was going to faint. Sitting on the steps outside the hospital I put my head in between my knees trying to breathe normally. I had gone so long trying to forget that look and now I had seen it again in my least favourite place in the whole world. In fact, if anyone ever asked me what I believed hell would be I would probably say a hospital.

I got my phone out and checked my missed calls; there were none from my mum or Charlie. They probably hadn’t gone home yet. Mum normally didn’t turn up until late at night after a session so she wouldn’t realise I was gone. Dialling the all familiar number for Mum I put it to my ear. No reply. “Could my life get any worse?” I said to no one in particular and before I even knew what I was doing I was in my car and driving back the way I had come from, back to the studio.

It must seem like I hated my mum, I didn’t hate her. I just hated the agent side of my mum, the controlling, unforgiving side. Unfortunately, being an adult now doesn’t mean I don’t need my mum in these sort of situations, in fact I think it makes me appreciate her more now even if I do still live with her and act like a teenager all the time; I still need my mum and this was definitely one of those moments where I needed her the most. I needed her calm, kind words telling me that she’d love me no matter what I had done. She might be the only person in the whole word who would still love me after I had almost killed someone and I knew I could count on her.

I had driven without the radio on, gripping the wheel until my knuckles were white and my fingers almost blue, I could taste the metallic blood from where I’d bitten through the skin on my lip. My eyes stayed on the road; completely focused on my surroundings. I didn’t want to be blamed for anything else. When I got out of the car I almost fell over, my legs cramped up and numb, and even my butt cheeks were sore from not having moved all journey. I stretched my hands out as I walked into the dark studio… Dark? It shouldn’t be dark with Mum and Charlie still working.

Cautiously, I stepped into the large building, choosing first to walk into the studio I had been working on this morning. Wow, it seems so long ago. Usually in the films this is when the monster/alien/mass-murderer-with-an-axe-that-has-been-hunting-your-family-for-years come out of the corner and murders you. However what I saw (and heard) was the sight that would possibly haunt me more than any murderer ever would. My Mum and boyfriend (EX) on the balcony at the end of the room, sucking each others faces of with their clothes strewn everywhere.

I did the only reasonable thing, I screamed. Screamed, and ran. Ran back through the corridor and into my car. Remembering what happened last time I drove in a hurry or mad at my Mum, I sat. Curling my fists around the steering wheel I cried. I let every tear stain my red dress, making angry sobbing sounds you would definitely not expect from a model. Well then it’s a good job I'm not still a model. That image of My Mum and Charlie together on the floor moaning and whispering to each other whilst I screamed would not leave. It was just like that moment in Harry Potter where the horcrux shows Ron an image of Hermione and Harry together, kissing. But this was so much worse, because it wasn’t a dream. It wasn’t a dream. It was real and it had happened.

I screamed into the steering wheel, biting down against the hardness of the car until I could only croak. No more tears were coming now but I couldn’t bring myself to scrape the tear tracks that still meandered down my cheeks away. I just felt numb and I didn’t feel them, they were a part of me. I didn’t even hitch my dress up before I drove away into the night. I found myself pulling back into the hospital, the last place I ever thought I’d go to make me feel better. I had wished to see how Lexy was doing; but I couldn’t face her parents like this, nor did I really want any human contact. So I went around the side of the hospital until I was in the ‘hospital garden’. I say ‘hospital garden’ like that because it was the cheesiest thing I had ever seen. There was a small play area for children visiting, and there was a neat park area next to it. The cheesiest thing about it was the small lazy River running through the park; it was so shallow it didn’t even cover my toes when I had used it before. The grass was too green and too well-cut it made me sick just looking at it. There was also a bridge where the lazy River fed into the large one, as the lazy River before was dug down and cordoned off so that it was quite deep when it reached the bridge and at the other side it joined with a quite fast flowing River.

I almost didn’t notice a silhouette sitting on the steps of the bridge staring out into the river away from the hospital and away from me. He looked so beautiful and perfect slouching against the bridge. I don’t know how he had got onto the bridge, it had very high locked gates either side in case any people with mental illnesses decide to come out here. They don’t want it happening in a hospital. Ironic, right?
The gates weren’t ugly though, in fact it made the whole bridge look more secretive and secluded. Taking out my phone I clicked a quick picture of the boy against the bridge before stepping back under the shelter of the hospital as the boy stood up.

He gripped the wall of the bridge tightly with his hands and stood on his tiptoes to stare at the water rushing by below. Even from here, I could visibly see the gulp of breath he took before he shakily climbed onto the bridge. It was then that I came to my senses, “No!” I shouted as I ran towards him, catching him by the leg as he looked surprised down at me. Panting, I whispered “it wouldn’t kill you anyway, you'd just end up right back here...” He looked down at me then and laughed. He tipped his head back and he laughed. Shocked, I looked down, embarrassed but shocked. Why was he laughing?

“You think I was actually going to jump?” he asked after 2 minutes of me awkwardly looking anywhere else but him. I glared up at him then. “Suicide isn’t funny” I stated and then walked away to the back entrance of the hospital that I had found last month. He pulled on my sleeve as soon as I was inside effectively turning me round to look at him. “I didn’t mean it like that” I laugh when I'm nervous or scared, and at that moment I was both.” I looked up at him then but he didn’t meet my eyes. “My Mum’s in the hospital, some fucking driver wasn’t watching where ‘he was going and knocked her off her… my bike.” Suddenly I saw the boy that I had seen in the waiting room, all cheek bones and blue eyes staring vacantly ahead. His hair was tousled and his eyes watery now but I still saw the same boy, with the same look.

I gasped and ran away up the stairs to the girls toilets around the corner. There was nobody here as it was at the maintenance area of the hospital and for once I was thankful at the lack of attention I was getting. No more tears came out then but the enormousness of what I had done cascaded onto me like a waterfall. Had this all happened in one day? If I could wish for one thing right now it wouldn’t be a million pounds, not even a thousand because there was something much more valuable than money, family. And today I had not only lost my family, I had also possibly taken away the Mum from somebody else’s.

A sharp pain shot up my arm then, making me flinch as I looked in between my fist and the hole in the wall of the bathroom. The pain disappeared quickly though, again I was numb. I crumpled into a foetus position cradling my hand into my chest and tucking my knees under myself. What's the point? I didn’t have a family; neither did that boy or his sister. What was worth living for at the moment then? I only knew one thing, and if this person died I didn’t know how/if I would cope. That was Lexy. I needed to know if she was ok, I couldn’t deal with having a murder on my hands.

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So hoped you like it! Quite a bit happened then but i promise the next few chapters will be happier. 

I have got exams coming up soon but writing kinda calms me down so who knows, maybe there will be a few more updates coming up but dont expect me to sort my whole life around this book. 

I know i havent got that many reads at the moment but any votes or comments suggestion CONSTRUCTIVE critisism would be very useful thanx!

Love Ya! <3