please imagine me!

chapter 1

we were in Christy's room as usual , she leaned on the wall where the old door used to be while i did her homework. I really liked it, not doing Christy's homework but writing. writing anything like poems, stories or the words Christy dictated to me. "covers most organ cavities..." she trailed off. " done?" i asked

"yep"

"alrighty so whats up with that Manec guy?" I said jumping upon the bed with my palms on my eyes. "we were just going to like hangout at Kygo , i don't know" she said, smiling sheepishly.

"oh i do, you're going on date with him"I winced

"come on Rihanna, i know him from when i knew you"

"uh-huh"

"come on, he has been really nice in recent times"

"in recent times? pfft" and there i gave my signature 'you're stupid' expression.

"i've said yes already, i can't let him down now, Riri "

"right" i said turning my back to her and facing the window, i saw her clench her teeth from the corner of my eyes and smiled a bit.

"i am 17 okay? I think i can decide for myself now"she said spitefully. it was so easy to get on her nerves and i enjoyed doing that. i am serious about this, though.

"okay i gotta go" i said, forcing a smile. i hugged her until she hugged me back and left the room saying "i wish he had a 'beware of me' sign on his head when you saw him, oh I wish!". she gave me a smile that a failed stand-com's audience would give and shut the door.

i never knew where to go, i didn't have a house or parent's like christy. i wanted them even if they made my life chaotic like christy's. i wandered on the scariest streets, ducking my legs in collected rain water until the soles of my shoes were wet, then i would walk carefully minding each of my steps so that i wouldn't spoil the pattern of my footprints. The water would dry within a few steps and i would look back at my footprints in the dim light. i would spend most of my nights thinking and walking and thinking until i was extremely tired and went back to saint stella's -the orphanage i lived in.i never went there again once i woke up, took a bath and got dressed. i think i didn't want to look at those annoying kids or maybe i didn't want to crouch my legs and sit on an orphanage bed which reminded me of being such a problem for my parents.

i entered the quite dormitory and slowly walked towards my bed. i heard the child on the next bed weep quietly, almost like whispers. i hated stella's during the night too, it was just so heartbreaking to listen to the sobs of these little ones, i'd  had enough of that, enough of heartbreak. i kept thinking about my parents abandoning me the minute i was born and the time when i was the one crying like the little girl on the next bed, until i fell asleep.i woke up to old bebop music on loud volume and the first thing i saw was these boys dancing with their shirts off. They had fragile bodies where their ribs where sticking out to their skin and struggling to rip out of their bodies. they're all disgusting , ew, oh my god,ew. i added another reason to 'why i hate stella's ' list in my mind. i got off my bed and took a blue tank top that christy gave me and a black jeans with the other essentials to the bathroom so that i didn't have to look at those boys again and die of eyes filled with disgust. on my way out, i saw frau carol reciting her daily oath or prayer which was basically about being sweet and kind and helpful to others. she never forced or even asked me to do it, little did she know that i was incapable of sweetness. i headed for my escape walk or let's just call it a walk before school.

It was a five minute walk to Christy's place and five minutes more for the school. I saw her swinging her bag here and there when I showed up and soon did manec. Ugh. He chose to ignore me today all together again and waved at Christy, she waved back. He joined us and then started talking

"it was really fun hanging out with you yesterday" he said

"oh me too" she said and elbowed me signalling me to throw over the squashed look on my face,I smirked. They talked about dull-witted stuff  until we finally reached school. We were finally at the big gate when he half hugged her and turned halfway but came back again. He looked hesitant "I just wanted to ask if you would like to be my date on the dance next week" he turned and came back again "you don't have to... like if you don't wa—"

"Yeah" she said " yeah I would love to" I looked at her and tried to say something but I couldn't , I just couldn't .i was mystified, sick and puzzled at the same time.

Both of them gave each other those ridiculous shame-faced smiles and then he walked away, like finally walked away. I pulled Christy and said "are you what dumb?"

" riri I like him so I said yes, sue me!"

"I thought you would deny even hanging out at Kygo if you could" I felt jaded but managed to cool down a bit , she could say that she liked him earlier. Though i made it look like i'd hate him even more if she said that but she could right? she shouldn't have thrown a bomb here and leave me stunned at the least. "are you sure?" I asked , folding my arms to my chest. She nodded " I'll be late" and she went for her lecture. i pulled out a loud sigh and headed for my own classes.

School was my favorite place to drown into my books, I love to read like love! I usually chose to sit at the back and sleep most of the time. When I was free, I would study or write something. It was really easy for me to hide out in the school like I literally think that I become invisible when people come in the empty classes I sit in. how do introverts fall in love in all those dumb movies? Like how? Nobody ever even notices me, never mind, all those movies are dumb. christy called and told me that she was going to sleepover at one of her 'other friends', i really didn't care to ask the name, all her 'other friends' are dumb, i am so obsessed with this word heh heh.  i read and wrote and read and wrote until it was dark and then went back to my night schedule, hoping that the next sun didn't have any bebop or dancing .