Illegitimate

Part 6 : Entangled

• Julian •

Sa labas bumubuhos pa rin ang malakas na ulan. Hindi na kailangan buksan yung aircon dahil malamig na yung hangin. Ramdam ko yun noong lumabas kami ng kotse.

Looking at the glass wall of my study room, there are raindrops those lights outsides are flashing on.

My decision not to pursue going to Danica's house is right. Baka hindi ako makauwi neto.

And...

Rachel is acting really weird since she and Kyle caught me with Danica in the office. Masama ang kutob ko dito.

Rachel looked outside the glasswall and I can see her reflection from my angle. Sound-proof itong study room ko, kung kailangan ng tao magrelease ng emosyon eto yung tamang lugar.

"Ano yung nakita ko kanina Julian?" She said calmly but I know she's mad, alam kong may pagtitimpi sa boses niya. "Ano gaguhan tayo?"

If she's pertaining about Charmaine and me this will be a mess.

"Kayo ni Charmaine?" she said and she looked at me. Tama ako, tungkol ito kay Charmaine. "Bakit?"

My heart suddenly pumps faster I can actually hear it. Ano 'to nagpapanic ata ako.

"Makinig ka Rachel. Naiintindihan mo naman kung bakit ko ginagawa 'to di ba?" I told her, she's really mad, I can sense it, by the way she look at me, that eyes of hers. That's her angry look. "Nangako ka sakin. Sabi mo hindi ka magagalit, sinabi mo yun di ba?"

"Pero, bakit naman kasi aabot sa ganon? Walang usapan na aabot kayo sa ganon, Julian! Ano may iba ka na namang motibo?" Now she's literally yelling at me. "Ilang beses niyo na ginawa? Sagutin mo. Ilang beses na?"

"Rachel" I tried to move closer to her, but she's moving back as I try.

"Sagutin mo na lang Julian" sabi niya.

I gulped a huge amount of air and closed my eyes. I don't want to see her reaction.

"Dalawa" I told her, but I can't just ignore what she might feel so I open my eyes. A tear from her left eye dropped. Ayokong malaman niya yung totoong plano, dahil alam kong ganto yung posibleng mangyari. "Please Rachel, ikaw na lang. Pumayag ka na please. Rachel, hindi naman aabot sa ganto kung pumayag ka lang eh"

She let go of her breathe and gazed at me as if I murdered someone. Her eyes are now red and teary, but she didn't let those tears go.

"Hindi na kita kilala Julian, hindi na" she said and she wiped her tear off. "Siguro nga kasalanan ko din, dahil di ko tinutupad yung tulong na pinangako ko dati, hindi ko naman alam kasi na ganto yun. Tapos nakahanap ka nga ng ibang makikipagkuntsaba sa'yo di ko naman alam na aabot kayo sa ganon. Alam ko si Charmaine yung may gusto, ginawa mo lang para pumayag siya pero, ang sakit pa rin eh"

"Sorry na, Rachel" I said. I tried to move closer again but she's just resisting and pushed me back when I touched her hands. "Pakiusap naman oh, Rachel"

"Hindi ko kayang sadyaing manakit ng tao Julian, ilang ulit kong sasabihin 'to. Hindi ko alam kung bakit hanggang ngayon di pa rin kayo tumitigil ni Kyle" sabi niya sakin. Sinimulan ko na, wala nang urungan, sorry Rachel. "Kailan niyo mare-realize na mali na 'to Julian? Itigil niyo na 'to Julian, please"

I know I'm hurting her right now, but I promise when this is over, you won't feel this way again. I cannot look at her directly. Nagi-guilty ako.

"Rachel, sobrang lapit ko na. Ngayon pa ba ako titigil?" sabi ko sa kanya. Sana wag siya magalit sakin. "Rachel, please, alam kong naiintindihan mo. Please, konting pag-unawa na lang, matatapos na rin kami ni Danica, pati yung kay Charmaine, please Rachel"

"Ewan ko sa'yo Julian. Bahala kayo" sabi niya. She's been my friend since when we were kids, along with Kyle. Nakita niya yung nangyari samin ni mama years ago. For so long, siya yung nakasama ko, she just moved for few years, pero ngayon... "Ituloy niyo kung gusto niyo ituloy, hindi ko na kayo pakikialaman. Pero, Julian, sinasabi ko sa'yo 'to. Malaman ko lang na tinuloy niyo yung plano mo kay Danica or one more time na malaman kong may nangyari ulit sa inyo ni Charmaine, hindi mo na ulit ako makakausap"

"Rachel, alam mong kailangang kong..."

"Seryoso ako sa sinabi ko Julian" she cut me off, she got her clear glasses from her bag and put it on, hiding the redness of her eyes. "Wag ka mag-alala, wala akong pagsasabihan. Kung mas mahalaga na ma-satisfy ko yang galit mo, then fine"

"Wag ka naman ganyan Rachel" I said, I don't have any idea to make her stay still and listen to me. She agreed about our set-up, at masakit yun sa kanya pero pumayag siya. Tapos ngayon, ito pa, hindi ko na alam kung may pag-unawa pa siyang maibibigay. I know I crossed the line too much. Pero sana maintindihan niya. "Nangako ka sakin dati Rachel"

"Oo, nangako ako na tutulungan kita, oo nasaktan kita at kailangan kong bumawi, pero sorry Julian hindi ko talaga kaya ang balak niyong gawin kay Danica" she said. She's holding the doorknob right now ready to move out. "Free kayo ni Kyle tapusin yang gusto niyo, wala kang maririnig sakin. Wag kayong mag-alala, wala akong pagsasabihan, this time matutupad na 'tong pangako ko"

She opened the door and quickly walked out the study room wala akong magawa.

I hurriedly picked my phone from my pocket and called Kyle.

"Uy hello pre, bakit?" Sabi niya. "Nandiyan daw si mama?"

"Paano nalaman ni Rachel yung tungkol samin ni Charmaine?" I told him. The only person that knows this is just him, tito Alvin and Charmaine.

There's a pause for a moment, but I can hear his breath on the line.

"Pasensya pre, kinalikot niya yung phone ko kanina" he said. So this is the reason why she's acting so weird, ikaw yung dahilan kung bakit niya nalaman. "Late na nung nakita kong binabasa niya yung convo natin"

"Bakit hindi mo man lang sinasabi sakin?" I asked. "Sana nagpalusot ka man lang o winarningan mo man lang ako. Eto ngayon binantaan na niya akong iwanan"

"Si Rachel na yung nagsabi sakin pre na wag sabihin sa'yo" he said. And you think that's a valid reason? "Sorry talaga, alam mo namang hindi tatalab dun ang mga palusot natin"

I can't be mad at him, pero gusto ko magsalita ng masama. He's my bestfriend ever since. Palaging pag-unawa na lang yung ginagawa namin kaya hanggang ngayon magkaibigan pa din kami.

"Bullshit Kyle yung nangyari" I told him and hung the call and smashed it over the table. I heard a crack, a faint soung of glass breaking. As I look at my phone screen, the glass is cracked, madaming branch.

This day can't go any worse.

Buti na lang gumagana pa rin yung screen, sumusunod pa din siya sa daliri ko.

This might be the right time to do this. Wala akong intensyong masama sayo Rachel. Hindi mo sana ito masamain.

Kahit basag na yung screen ng phone ko nagawa ko pa ring ma-chat si tito Jun Hindi siya online ngayon, pero sigurado naman makikita niya 'to soon.

"Julian" narinig ko si mama, doon sa speaker screen na ininstall ko sa bawat kwarto sa bahay. "Umalis na agad sina Rachel at Prince. May nangyari ba? Mapula yung mata ni Rachel"

"May napag-usapan lang kami, meron siyang naikwento sa akin" I lied, I hate this pero ayaw kong sabihin sa kanya. "Pero okay na naman daw siya"

"Ah, ganun ba?" She said, I hate it na naniwala siya sa sinabi ko, siya mismo hindi alam yung gusto kong mangyari. I hate this. "Anak, yung pinsan mo, naaalala mo si Oliver, pupunta daw ata dito, hihingi ng tulong"

"Tulong?" I said.

Ano namang tulong yung hanap niya?

• End of Chapter 3 •