Cat and Dog | Yarichin

lost cause | chapter thirteen

「 cat and dog 」

Who. . .  I'm I?

That single question that's always engraved in my mind. My hands feeling the sand particles going between my fingers as I enjoyed the sun on my skin.

How long have I been pulling this act?  Pretending to be the most innocent being in the world.  Now, pushing the right buttons can reveal who I really am.  A guy who suffers from a constantly evolving neuroses.  I wish the all so innocent and adorable act was real.

The clouds covered the sun's rays, the shadow behind me disappearing. Late already? Though, it did feel like I was out here for a while. Picking up my satchel and lifting myself from the ground, a flock of birds flew over my head.

I had the urge to follow them. Taking me somewhere where I could vanish into the unknown, go missing from this world.

I wished particular people I knew could forgive, and I could forget.

I hiked up my bag, working on forgetting.

Think of something, anything else. Maybe like my homework, which my roommate would want finished by bedtime. Like studying for upcoming exams, exams I could ace if it would have any hope of going away, getting away, though the thought of leaving made my stomach clench. Like the voices in my head, all of them as annoying as mosquitoes, voices that make my head ring till I pass out.

The very same voices that appeared on the school's sidewalk in front of me.

I froze up like a monument to cowards everywhere. It's not real. Just ignore and they'll go away. What I'm I saying? Of course I can't ignore them! I could always hear them, even ignoring wouldn't make them go away. The voices were tall and hunched over, making them look like creatures of a horror film. They talked about me as if I were some horrible being.

I could just turn the other way. Or, if it were darker out here, I could vanish into the night, go missing like I wanted.

But then, there was not point in running, no point in hiding, and I had nothing left to be scared of. Dragging my heels as pebbles rocketed across the pavement.

One of the voices turned around. "Hey, look. It's the guy with the fake personality. Trying to ignore us again, huh?"

"Whatcha doing, freak?"

"Trying to scare us with your whiskers?"

Annoying as mosquitoes, dumb as dirt. I sighed, the sharp exhale like the hiss of a snake.

"What's so funny?"

And easy to annoy, too. "My apologies. I'm not laughing."

"Yes, you are. Useless being."