First Encounters

Realistic Rendition

        As a 14 year old girl, one can be very impressionable. I constantly looked up to others to find myself, because I had found that who I think I am was unacceptable to others my age. Upon realizing that I had led myself down a terrible path that far in life, I also realized that it was all that I knew. My reality remained lonely and misunderstood. I tried to make friends and they looked to me in disgust, I thought something was wrong with me. They constantly reminded me of how ugly I was. They constantly put me down and kept me down. I absolutely hated it.

        Even though I had gotten myself into quite a bit of trouble with affiliating with complete strangers, I found that they were the only ones that actually appreciated my presence. They didn't see anything wrong with me. They actually wanted me... So I gave in. I tried again. I met new people. None of which actually still talk to me to this day...

        Except for one... I kept in touch with one person, and it is absolutely one of the best decisions I've ever made because he makes me so happy at times and I feel as though I had met one of the best human beings on the face of the planet. No, we never dated. We never ended up together. But I did love him. I do love him, just a lot differently than I did before, but I suppose this needs a little bit of explaining.

        His name is Alex. (If you have read my other short story, The Hidden, it's the same person. Except that story has a completely fictionalized plot. And is no way true, except for his existence.) I met Alex in this, 3D virtual chat room called IMVU. It's the shittiest program ever and has some of the worst people you could meet. You could say it was chance that I met him there. Because it was. I had a friend at that time, Kate (who's name was changed to protect her identity). She was one of my best friends on there, needless to say we no longer speak. I ran a room on there, a chatroom, called "A L L E I N E" (German for alone), and I got some weird attention in there. One day I was, well needless to say I was having one of my infamous mental breakdowns. I was breaking in ways I didn't know were possible. Then it happened. A name loaded in my room. And normally I boot or kick out people from my room that I don't know. But something compelled me not to. I still can't explain it, but I  shouldn't know him. It was Alex, but he went by Cross, so for a long time I called him Cross.

       Strangely enough, I found no difficulty in talking to him. 14 year old me was more reluctant to meet people than I am currently. I was and still am very shy. Something about him, the way he was, it was intriguing. So I allowed him to continue talking to me. I didn't feel anxious talking to him. It was like I had known him for centuries. Anyway, over the course of the first few months I knew him I grew VERY fond of him... I had formed feelings for him even though I told myself I wouldn't allow myself to feel, out of the fear of being hurt. Then Kate told me she felt the same and asked me to tell this to him. I was shattered, but something about Kate, every guy I ever felt for, fell for her so hard. She never cared though. So, I told Cross, and he admitted to having a girlfriend, by the name of Jamie (whose name has also been changed).

        I met her once. She was the rudest, most iritating, most annoying cunt I had ever met. I hated her. He loved her, more than I even understood, he lived to make her happy. I didn't know if she could feel happiness, apparently she could. It angered me, not because she had him, but because he was one of the sweetest, most caring, most amazing people anyone could ever have the pleasure of knowing. I felt like she would've tainted him.

        But. This is a story of first encounters. So that's where this ends. Me and Alex have been through a lot together, and he's helped me in life so much. He's picked me up, dusted me off, and pushed me onward. He's just great. And I love him as much as anyone would love another family member.