Mr Giggles

Flowers for the purty lady

Originally presented in my mini SEVERAL FLOWERY TALES anthology.

1987 was a year of innovation. The Me Me Me generation wanted it all -yuppies were making money hand over fist and finding ever increasingly tacky and outrageous new things to spend it on.

Correspondingly new companies were coming up with new ideas for new toys, pass times and services.

Home delivery for the wealthy was turning into a thing in the United Kingdom, but flowers had got ahead of that trend decades before.

Sothe Floral industries or individual companies or shops therein, had to think of some other way of capitalising on the fads of the day andgetting their share of the markets.

This was the problem facing Ritchie Dannolon of Dandelion's Floral Displays in June of 1987; he was sitting at a table in his local pub, the Swan and Duckpond, with sheets of paper spread out and a half finished pint going flat. The expression on his face was pure misery but then an American addressed him.

'Beg pardon?'

The Yank was a dark haired handsome guy in his mid forties but with one of those square jawed, clean cut, perfect hair and white teeth smiles that made him seem about 35 at first glance.

'I said I couldn't help notice you're doing a spot of brainstorming there fella.'

Ritchie nodded glumly. 'It's not helping.'

'May I?' The American sat down and looked over the papers. Then he reached in his pocket and handed Ritchie a card that said. 'William Duray, Innovative Marketing Solutions and Theatrical Agency'.

'It seems, Sir, that what you need is a gimmick and I am surely the one to provide it for you.'

'What do you mean?' asked Ritchie and then introduced himself.

Duray smiled, showing his pearly whites. 'My twin enterprises can work for any delivery based business. Y'see it's all in the delivery. Literally.'

'Go on.'

'Want to stand out? Have your guys n gals dressed up. A cowboy, a clown, a policewoman ... hit your competition by advertising big, telling the world that you're fun. Offer a refund if your customer doesn't get what they want on time and ain't having fun with their delivery experience. Then tack on a bit in small print asking that if they enjoy the service, to give a gratuity to their provider.'

'WellI don't know ...'

'Market towards these rich yuppie party crowds. You'll stand out.'

They continued to talk and soon Ritchie had a new business partner and the first 11 deliveries were great successes. Then came the 12th.'

Amanda Radcliffe buzzed up the delivery guy. Opening the door of the flat, the Member of Parliament for Aldwich West's girlfriend gawped at theclown with the bouquet, then remembered Harry's aide mentioning this fad at the party a few weeks back.

'Flowers for the purty lady,' said the clown, holding them out.

'Refund if y'ain't satisfied.' Amanda reached for what she thought were the flowers from Harry and recoiled in disgust. The roses were crawling with blackened maggots. She dropped them in horror.

That was when the clown stabbed her. The frenzied and bloodied attack lasted less than a minute and then he calmly pulled the body into her flat, washed up and replaced his bloodied costume with another unspoiled one.

The clown walked to the nearest phone booth and dialed the number on William Duray's card. 'We got er Billy boy.'

In his office, Billy smiled and congratulated his old mentor. 'Good job, Giggles. How's it feel to do one for money not fun?'

Mr Giggles grinned. 'Well now, ain't much diff'rence. Killin's still killin, even in this here foreign land, but seein how we's done fulfilled our commitment to th Agency, I'm of a mind ta get back home. How ya feeling about Texas or Florida? Lot's a good huntin' there.'

'Soon. We have a few more to do to obscure the trail. Wouldn't want people connecting the client to the girlfriend's murder so it has to look like the first of a spree.'

'Second,' replied Giggles. 'Had time ta do me one a them yuppies on the way here.'

*Note: The seven clown killings that plagued London in the summer of 1987 were only once connected to the urban legend of Mr Giggles. A conspiracy theorist named Calvin Macleash claimed that his investigations into a Murder for Hire organization called The Agency that traded in favours, even in the highest levels of government across the world, had turned up a reference in a redacted document about London and mentioning an American clown. Macleash never showed his dossier to anyone on record and was found hanged in his bedroom in November of 1993. The subsequent inquest returned a verdict of suicide and medical records showed a history of delusion and depression.

*Note:The book 'Mr Giggles: The Truth,' published in late 2018 and purporting to be an authorized account dictated to the writer by the mythical killer clown himself, explicitly claims the murder of Amanda Radcliffe was in fact an assassination paid for by members of the British government, in order to prevent a scandal. Details that were only present in sealed police records were recorded in the account but there is no mention of The Agency anywhere in Masie Weatherwright's book.

*Note: doubt has been cast on the identity of the man interviewed by Ms Weatherwright. If it were indeed the legendary killer, he would have been 98 years old at the time of writing. The hotel location where the interviews took place has also been withheld but one commentator posted a series of ominous comments naming the Bradford Hotel. Subsequent searches for any such location in the United States have served only to yield one likely address but it turns out the building had been demolished in 1998.

NOTES :Mr Giggles makes another appearance after not being seen since VolumeT hree, where Three of his stories appeared (Corpus Christi, MrGiggles: Extended and CHiPs 1962).

All three of those stories take place in the 1960's except for the extended bit in Mr Giggles which takes place in the present day-ish(2016). Masie Weatherwright first appears in that story when she interviewed the ancient clown serial killer for the book she will later write.

The Agency was also mentioned in Mr Giggles: Extended and might turn up in other parts of what I may well call my 'Horrorverse.'

The Bradford Hotel was part of a shared concept originated by Bradley JKornish (designer of the Bite Size Stories series covers) who invited me to submit a story – that story was the extended Mr Giggles. Another story I've started entitled 'The Penitent.' takes place in this continuity as well.

It was my intention to skip around and fill in blanks of a vast timeline of murder – this was a 1987 incident in the life of Giggles.