Hide Your Fires- Wolfstar

There's A Storm A Comin' - Richard Hawley

Remus POV

"Truly awful, isn't it?" Lily says in dismay, hand covering her mouth, masking her horror. "I just... they were children..."

James is there immediately, protectively putting his arm around his wife, his chest pressed against her shoulder. "I know, Lils. It's terrible..."

"What if...?" She keeps looking at Harry, the oblivious, babbling toddler in the high chair. He doesn't know what's going on. He doesn't know about the explosion. He just seems ecstatic that we're all here, grinning and dribbling. The question written all over Lily's face is how do I keep my baby safe? And the newspaper today confirms that she can't, no matter how hard she tries.

"Nothing's going to happy to Harry, Lily. I won't let it. I'd die before I let one of those Death Eater scum lay a finger on him, and I'd make them damn sorry about trying," James says sternly, voice hard, firm, yet trembling with anger.

Sirius and I sit opposite James and Lily. I'm numb with shock, and Sirius looks much the same. He's paler than he usually is, eyes bloodshot, mouth not quite closing. At James' comment, he looks between father and son anxiously, as if the thought of losing either of them is simply too much.

"I... I can't..." he whispers, choking on his words.

I take his hand under the table and squeeze, emulating the squeezing around my heart to see him this upset. "It's okay..."

"No, it's not," Sirius says sternly, building up his front again, his front of anger rather than grief. "They blew up a children's hospital!" His voice hitches, volume raising hysterically. It draws some odd looks from others in the pub, muggles, muggles who did not get the Daily Prophet this morning with the news.

I don't know what to do. I'm frozen. There's Sirius and Lily, distraught, James, angry, and me, too shocked to feel a thing about it. I'm the least useful person there. Harry carries around a constant joy, forcing smiles out of even the most upset adult.

"This is fucking- I can't- they can't- it's- diabolical!" Sirius finally decides on, fist clenching so his knuckles protrude. "I can't let this happen without trying to stop it anymore, James. I'm going to close down the shop."

My body is hit with that emotional blow, my brain still not comprehending anything. My breathing stops and I feel very light headed. My whole body goes cold like I've been thrown into the unforgiving Artic wilderness.

"You're... you're doing to fight...?" I ask hesitantly, scared of the answer. My throat is so dry that my voice comes out crackly.

Sirius nods certainly, eyes fixated on his fist. "I have to. My parents are part of that, and my baby brother is..." he'd put aside how upset he was, but now he breaks down again, hiding his face in his hands, his body trembling with shaky breaths.

"Pa'foo'..." Harry mumbles in confusion, tilting his head innocently at his godfather's odd behaviour.

I can feel my heart ready to rip my chest open. All I can do is put a comforting arm around Sirius and let him sink into me, hiding himself in my oversized jumper. He fits perfectly in my lanky arms. I hold him to me, running my hand over his hair. I look at James and Lily desperately, hoping for answers.

"Regulus is working closely with he-who-must-not-be-named," James explains, arm still around Lily. "Undercover, of course," he adds quickly. "He's getting insider information to take them down from the inside, but... uh..." James looks troubled, forehead creased. Lily looks even more nauseated. "No one's heard from or seen him in a few weeks. We're hoping he's on some sort of mission and can't communicate, but uh..." He shakes his head, looking at Sirius. "That's probably it, Pads. It's probably too dangerous for him to talk to us."

James doesn't have to complete his unfinished sentence. I can fill in the blanks.

But, he could be dead. They could have found out he was a traitor and killed him.

My brain catches up with my body as I feel Sirius' tears seep through my shirt. His brother might have sacrificed his life already. James and Sirius are ready to follow suit. Lily sure as hell is going to do her best to keep her baby from harm. It's as though I've swallowed whole lumps of lead, an unpleasant weight settling in my stomach, dread that I want to vomit out of me.

Millicent was right. I need to do my part. I need to fight as well. Not doing so would be selfish.

But...

I can't. I can't I can't I can't. I can't control the beast. If I'm out there, he could do anything. It could be an an atrocity I caused in the newspaper in a few weeks time. I couldn't live with that.

I have to fight. I just wish the expectation was for me to do what Sirius wants to do- fight with a wand, not with teeth, murderous claws, unhinged mind, and monstrous tendencies.

I can't.