Don't Wake Me

Prologue

Sometimes when I lay in bed, I have wonderful lucid dreams where I am loved, cherish and appreciated. I can feel the warmth of their hands, the softness in their voice and the kindness beating through their heart. I cannot hear their voice or see their face, but I can feel them, smell them, and fall in love with them.

Sometimes I spend years in my dreams, I've been most happiest when I'm asleep. I know its a dream, I know its not real, I know its fiction, but if you could--could you let me sleep for just a bit longer? Can you let me continue to feel this warmth before you wake me and send me into the cruel crushing reality that is my life?

Just let me be in their arms for just a bit longer, please, don't wake me.

When I wake up alone in my bed in an empty rundown tent. I find myself in tears and instant heart break. "I'll count to a hundred then back to zero and I'll be okay." I place my hands inside my blankets covering my face blocking any light that may attempt to enter.

"Zero." I start slowly, steading my breathing. "One." I take a deep breath and exhale through my mouth paying close attention to the movement of my ribs. "Two." I slowly rock myself back and forth at a steady pace to keep my body active. Continuing counting up I feel myself slip into a trace like state. Steady. I repeat in my head. Steady.

"Ninety-nine." I take a deep breath, "One hundred." Slowly, I make my way back down. My counting becoming slower and slower. My heart rate steading and my tears stopping. "Four." Breathe in and breathe out. "Three" Take a deep and easy breath. "Two." Block out any distraction. "One." Rock yourself like you would a baby. "Zero." One more time: breathe in through the nose, and out through the mouth.

I slowly lift my head up from my sheets. Taking another deep breath. "Okay. I think I'm ready." I tell myself as I slowly make my way off my bed to get dressed. "Today is going to be another painful day."