Ilang minuto akong nagpalakad-lakad na parang wala sa sarili. I let my own feet drag me anywhere but that hell.
Dinala ako ng sarili kong mga paa sa isang amusement park. Nang mapagod ay pabagsak akong umupo sa may damuhan. Dahan-dahan akong nahiga at tahimik na pinagmasdan ang kalangitan.
The park was full of people. May mga bata, teenager, magpapamilya. But no matter how big the crowd is, it may still not give us the comfort that we long to have. Truth to be told, we might just get lost in it unfortunately.
As I watch these kids went to and fro, I cant stop myself from reminiscing those good old days. Back when we were still happy. Back when papa was still with me. Back when I was still me.
Ipinikit ko ang mga mata at unti-unting binuhay ang alaala naming dalawa ni papa.
Magkasama.
Masaya.
When was the last time I smiled genuinely? I couldn't even remember.
Gusto kong magalit sa kaniya dahil iniwan niya akong mag-isa. He left me to save himself. But how can I hate him when I know he suffered too much? When he tried to fight for us? Pero hindi lahat ng laban ay naipapanalo, lalo pa kung matagal nang sumuko ang ipinaglalaban mo.
He loved her so much, but she has someone else in her heart. You see, hindi pa man nagsisimula ang laban, talo na si papa. But he still fought kasi gusto niyang mabigyan ako ng buong pamilya. Pero wala, talo eh.
So no matter how selfish his choice seems to be, I do understand. He has fought enough for us. It was only right for him to choose himself.
But my heart grew thorns not for him, but for that woman who never gave him a chance.
We can no longer have peace.
Their happiness is my misery.
Ilang minuto lang ay napansin ko ang bahagyang pananahimik ng paligid. When I felt tiny drops of water met my skin, I didn't bither to open my eyes. But curiosity got in me when I couldnt feel the raindrops on my skin anymore while I could still hear the the wind howling and the subtle sound of raindrops as it hit the pavement.
I opened my eyes. The image of Alex holding an umbrella, looking down at me with those eyes full of sympathy came into view.
Why am I even imagining her? We aren't even friends. Well at least for me.
Matagal na rin mula nang huli kaming magkita.
Ipinikit kong muli ang mga mata sa pag-aakalang isa lang siyang produkto ng imahinasyon. But when I opened them again, she was still there, looking so beautiful in her hair pulled into a messy bun.
I could feel my heart pounding so hard as she lowered her body and sat next to me. She reached out her hand to mine while the other is still tightly gripped on the umbrella beneath us.
She was smiling, but for the first time since I met her, it didn't reach her eyes this time. I held her hand and helped myself sit on the ground. When I did, I was taken aback when the umbrella came lose in her hands as she slowly enveloped me into a hug.
Like a missing child, I felt so helpless within her arms, crying, trying to find a solace that I've always been longing for.
