I don't know what to do. I don't know where to start. Everything just feels grey to me. I feel like my world is dying, I don't see any interest to make me happy. I'm not depressed but I'm not enjoying life as I use to either. I wake up great, go to school, spend my time with friends laughing but I just feel... burnt out.
I need to live I'm young and this is my time to learn, make mistakes, make memories but that's particularly hard when your a girl with strict parents making everything feel like a drag. I am lost, I want to feel, I want to take a drag.
Thinking of drugs make me fill with serotonin, excitement. I want to try the substances, feel the unknown side effects. Maybe they might make my world bright again with a beginning and an end, maybe I won't be lost anymore, maybe I should try them.
All of this shit is just big joke. Freedom, fucking freedom comes at such a big expense. The one thing that claims to be free. Your stuck pleasing others, trying to tick the check list to live the perfect life but you just can't.
I want to give up, but I'm at that stage where I don't want to kill myself but I don't want to be alive. I am so unmotivated and numb to the point if someone was to give me a solution I wouldn't give a fuck. I'm just laying here is my shit, drowning.
I need help..
How do I help myself..
Am I crazy..
