The passage

Chapter6

Addy
The rest of the night was a blurr to me, and I don't really remember anything except for his warm tongue grazing over mine.. I know I should have slapped him , or curse at him or stop him, but I didn't, it just felt right, well in that moment it did, but now... I didn't know how I felt about it. I felt ashamed and exposed, I felt strange. But every time I recall the way he grabbed me and kissed me, the
memory still fresh in my head, I felt the butterflies in my stomach, and the small bubble of hope , that maybe.. just maybe, we could be more ,grow'd inside of me. As excepted , I couldn't really sleep at night, and that day at school, I payed less attention than usually did. It was like I lived in a clouded dream the whole day, i wasn't sad, even though a lot of people thought I was because of my silence including Sam my bestfriend, who should be knowing me better by know than to think I was sad. I'm sure Anthony knows me better than Sam, he would have noticed what was wrong. WRONG, the word seemed ( at least to me) such a useless word, you don't do WRONG THINGS, you just make some choices that aren't always the best. I always felt like the word is strong, to strong to use on a dayli basis. But now it seemed like a good world to use now, it was wrong.. utterly wrong what I did. And I knew it. Even if I wanted to push my ego in the back of my mind telling me that I was wrong I couldn't, and I felt as if I ought Sam to tell him, but for some inexplicable reason , I felt like I betrayed him, in the deepest and most intimate way, it felt strange, usually I could discuss everything with Sam, but not this time.. Not now, at least. I'm gonna tell him, just later.. right?
I knew how these types of things are gonna end, and they usually don't end well, and I really don't wanted to lose Sam, he was Important to me.. he's Ben there for me, when other people haven't, we are so close, and it felt good. But Anthony turned everything that I thought stable in my life, upside down. This whole thing is wrong. This isn't me, I don't go on dates with random guys and kiss them afterwards.. So I decided to talk to him, whatever this was what we had needed to end, immediately . There was only one place I could find him. The library. I rushed the steps opthe staircase and to fast I arrived at the wooden door. I took some minutes to catche my breath . I opened the door, and the first thing I saw were his perfect features, he was breathtaking, in tight dark blue jeans, a button-up shirt with a dark blue sweatshirt on top , the collar of his button-up shirt peaking throw the top of the sweatshirt. He looked up at me with those kind eyes, and the speech that I mustered up before , vanished right in front of my eyes. Gone. Everything gone. All my strength. Just gone. I hate how he has this control over me. He just needs to give me this look, and the smile with those prominent dimples, and i melted.