Blackbird (draco malfoy)

8. Do You Have To Let It Linger?

a/n: sorry it's been a few days, I've been super busy but here we go...

My weekend was spent hopelessly searching for a release. A release from what was not clear to me, my whole body in a constant state of compression (specifically in my chest) while my gut felt like it was being rejected by my own body due to the constant state of sickness I couldn't seem to be rid of. 

I didn't have a right to feel like this really, did I ? What did I expect : for him to fall in love with me after a couple of dances and one , probably awful on my part, kiss? But that's not what I expected at all in reality, I just wanted something - anything - from him , even the slightest indication that somewhere in him , even deep inside his subconscious, he could possibly feel some sort of emotion towards me.  However, when I explored his eyes I was met with nothing, not disgust or anger nor disbelief that I would even question his feelings towards me, which obviously I can tell now are non-existent. I had the answer as to whether my feelings were reciprocated so why were his empty eyes etched so clearly in my mind constantly following me wherever I go ?

The answer to this definitely wasn't in all the sweets Fred had decided to gift me out of his secret stash.

"I'm surprised you have any teeth left with all the sweets you must eat, your dentist will be thanking me" I chuckle as he gives me the latest collection of Dragon Claws, Sherbet Lemons and Apple Rings before D.A.D.A class on Monday morning.

"I don't eat them all myself you know" he scoffs " I like to give them out to specially selected people sometimes"

"Ooo does that mean I'm now a member of your secret sweet society" 

"You may or may not be the only member" he jokes but behind this an undertone of seriousness pokes through just like in study hall the other afternoon.

"Oh am I now? You sure you're not just scared I'm going to leap off the astronomy tower cause I can't handle a an itty bit of rejection from Malfoy"

"Well I wasn't no but now I certainly am! You sure do know how to scare me Phi, first I find you sobbing on the floor, now you're already planning your death, I never know what to expect from you next"

I pause, thinking back to the night of the ball "You never did say what you were doing on my side of the castle that night"

He peers over my shoulder into my busy classroom "No time to explain now, let me know how it goes with he-who-shall-not-be-named junior"

"Freddie?! Are you trying to get me in trouble"

"Probably!" he calls, running down the corridor away from me as he was surely late for his own lesson now.

Standing in the doorway, I inhale deeply, resetting my posture and begin to walk in, going out of my way specifically to swiftly move past Draco's desk and planning on not giving my eyes even a moment to linger on him. But of course, I can't help but shoot a quick glance out of the corner of my eyes in the direction of his desk, only for my emotionless act towards him to break instantly when I don't see him there. I whip around quickly, scouring the room rapidly to find him.

My breath halts, my posture loosens and I tighten my jaw, clenching harder around the books in my hands - he's with her.

*start song now*

Pansy Parkinson.

She's clutching onto his arm, cackling wildly at seemingly everything he uttered. The pain I had felt Friday night almost seemed so insignificant and childish compared to the stinging in my chest now, as if all my healed wounds had been ripped back open and exposed again, forcing me to feel the pain of past and present. My eyes lock onto hers, while a single tear rolls down my hot cheek which I brush off almost as quickly as it arrived, a smug like smirk emerging on her face, making it clear to me that what happens next is a personal attack.