Soluna - Chaelisa (CONVERTED)

Chapter Sixteen

Trigger warning: mentions of suicide attempt.

Lisa's eyes were turning to a dull color.

Roseanne had been staring at Lisa's eyes long enough to recognize those hazel pools were fading to a sad brown. It had been a month and a half since Daisy the elephant passed away due to sickness, for the life of an animal wasn't meant for the circus, either. As properly as Lisa tried to care for the animals, they weren't meant for the life of a circus.

The circus wasn't meant for them either, Roseanne supposed.

Lisa decided she needed a break from the circus after the trauma of losing her beloved Daisy and left Momo in charge. It was temporary, of course. Eventually, Lisa would have to go back.

Lisa might as well have been gone. Any other time, Roseanne would be absolutely elated to have Lisa with her for more than a few days, or weeks, but Lisa wasn't herself at all. Lisa was fading. Slowly, but surely, she was fading. Roseanne could see it in her eyes.

Jacob had advised her to just give Lisa time and space.

Wendy and Joy said the same.

Gabe said to give Lisa a billion hugs and pancakes.

Roseanne tried that the most, but it wasn't enough.

Roseanne watched Lisa from the kitchen window as Lisa sat on the back porch stairs, lost in her own thoughts.

Roseanne sighed as she took a sip of her green tea and looked up at her kitchen ceiling. "How do I help her?" she asked aloud.

Roseanne had given Lisa time, space, hugs, and pancakes. What more could she give? After spending so long trying to recuperate Lisa, she couldn't lose her again.

Suddenly, her mother's words from 10 years ago entered her head:

"Fight for your feelings, they're real and they're yours. Fight for what's yours."

Roseanne took a deep breath as she put her mug of tea down and walked outside and sat next to Lisa who stared into space.

"Hey." Roseanne greeted with a soft smile.

Lisa turned to Roseanne and smiled back. "Hi."

"How are you?"

"Great now that you're here." Lisa smiled as she kissed Roseanne's lips gently.

"It's been six weeks since Daisy passed."

Lisa's jaw clenched and cleared her throat. "It is."

"How do you feel?"

"It was just an animal." Lisa shrugged off. "Circle of life and all of that."

"That's bullshit and you know it."

"I don't want to talk about it, okay?"

Roseanne shook her head. "Lisa, baby, you can't keep picking and choosing what you share with me and what you keep to yourself. Not when you make it so obvious that something is wrong. I'm worried about you." she placed her hand on Lisa's arm. "You can talk to me."

"There's nothing to talk about, okay? It was just an elephant." Lisa stood up. "And you should be happy, this is the longest I've been here. You get to see me more."

Roseanne looked up. "You may be here, but you're like a ghost. I feel your presence, but I can't see you. You're hiding from me."

Lisa chuckled and crossed her arms. "You're being ridiculous..."

"Am I?"

"Yes." Lisa responded, exasperated. "God, it's like you want me to be a fucking mess for you to clean up all the time! News flash, Roseanne: I'm not a stupid character in your books! I'm human! And you can't write feelings in me that aren't there!"