𝑪𝒂𝒍𝒂𝒎𝒊𝒕𝒚 - z.s.

𝖙𝖜𝖔

Zayn

Yes, that's right Kevin, Zayn is a lovely guy.

I'd always save you Louis.

Louis: And I love you

Zayn: I love you too

"   I've been dreaming a lot the last few days and every dream is about Louis. I don't know why but it's making me sad, again. The same thing happened after March 25th, I had dreams of the boys and me until I ended up accidentally liking one of the posts on the One Direction instagram account. Fans noticed immediately and people wrote several articles about it. I hate when the attention is all on me, it makes me feel even more anxious.

The only thing, or more like person, I could think of this morning was Louis, Louis, Louis. The last dream, the one I dreamed this morning, was me going  to Louis' 29th Birthday party. I wasn't invited but I needed to talk to him. I knocked on the door and when Lottie answered the door she looked at me really confused. She called out for Louis and a few seconds later Louis comes to the door and looks me in the face, he has the same confused look on the face as Lottie. He told Lottie to go, still staring at me. He stepped outside and closed the door behind him. Louis asked me why I was there, slightly annoyed. He waited for an answer but I couldn't speak, I had lost my voice.

I don't remember much more, only that we argued and his last sentence was: "I wish I never knew you", and went back into the house, slamming the door.   "

I close my diary and put it back into the drawer. I've been thinking about contacting him, but I'm scared that the same things like in my dream would happen. We haven't really talked ever since I didn't show up to that show, after his mom passed away. But I was scared, again, all the boys were going to show up. I stopped having contact with all of them. If I had gone there, it would have been super awkward. Especially because of Harry. 

I shrugged the thoughts off, this is not the time to think about this. 

I spent all day trying to write a few songs but nothing seemed to be good enough. I had to force myself to throw words together, to make songs out of them but it just wouldn't work. There's no meaning behind those worthless words. I need inspiration. So I decide to take a little break and go on Instagram. 

I end up looking at the One Direction Instagram page. They last posted yesterday.

The boys finally got back together. On New Years eve 2020 they announced their reunion and also released a new song as an "apology" for not coming back after 18 months, I guess. The internet, almost every Social Media app, crushed. Like, no joke, YouTube, Instagram, Twitter, Spotify, Apple Music, Tiktok and more. All these platforms weren't working properly for a whole day. Even after that, people were mass posting and crying and screaming. It was crazy! That song is still number one world wide. It's the end of March!

Not gonna lie, I miss the 1D days. Way too much. But I also don't miss them. All the anxiety, all the hate and racism. I don't miss that. But I miss travelling the world with my four best friends. Or more like, three best friends and my lover.

Again I'm thinking of him. God, it's been 6 years since I've last seen him. I should be over it, but I just can't be over him. He broke up, not me. That's the issue here.

I close my phone, just having too many thoughts whirling around in my head. I should just take a quick shower, that usually helps me "wash" away unnecessary thoughts.

I walk down the hallway towards the bathroom. It might sound weird, but my bathroom is my favorite room in this apartment. It's so simple but perfect-looking. And also a weird thing; I like to lay in the bathtub for inspiration. I've written several songs laying in that bathtub. 

While showering I hear my phone buzz once. I start imagining who it could be and shampoo my hair. When it buzzes a second time I sigh and finish as soon as possible. I step out of the shower, water dripping down from my hair onto my shoulders, and put a towel around my waist. I dry my hand on the towel and take my phone into it after. 

"You've got 2 new messages from Rach <3", I read out loud for myself. Rachel Wilson is my bestfriend since middle school. She has shoulder long light brown hair and blue eyes. I think Rachel has her blue eyes from her dad who is German but we don't talk about him. He left her and her mother when she was still in kindergarten. Rachel is an awesome human being herself, though. Not like that so called father.

I smile while reading her messages. "Heyy Zee! How is my little Superstar doing? Writing songs, watching TV or struggling with using your new coffee machine? 😆". I giggle at the last part of the last sentence. I have a new coffee machine but can't function it, so i simply don't use it. 

I tip in my answer and get an amazing idea. "Hi Raaach, vas happenin? Just came out of the shower haha. And no songwriting, no watching TV but yeah, I do be struggling with the fucking machine but I don't use it anyways. 🤘" . I add a second message asking: "You have any plans for tomorrow? Let's go have some breakfast together in that café near my apartment :)"

After we agree on the meeting and a time to meet, I go to my bedroom and change into clean clothes.

It's already around 6 pm, so I decide to cook something for myself. Nothing is better then a selfcooked warm meal.

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Hello guys. Second chapter is finally out! :) Sorry that it took me 2 months to update :/
Anyways, pls give me some feedback on the new chapter!
Love you all <3