It'll Be Ok

Chapter 3: Thankyou

    Before I came back I asked one of our security guards to go pick up 5 Chick-fil-a meals for lunch since the guys haven't eaten all day. Then I went to the waiting room and no one was there so I sat down to give them some privacy. After 10 minutes I guess I fell asleep because Joe (security guard) was tapping me. He gave me the food and started to walk away, but I ran after him.

     "Joe wait up! I need to pay you, how much was it?" I couldn't just let him pay for it.

     "It's fine I see what you do for these people, and I wanted to do something for you to show how much I appreciate..." he didn't get to finish because I cut him off with the biggest bear hug ever.

"Thankyou, no one has ever said that to me before." it was true though. You would think doctors and nurses would get thanked all the time for saving people, but they don't and when they do it is so rare that it becomes something they will cherish until the end of time.  

"Your welcome kiddo."

.........................................................................................................................................................................

   After that I went back to the waiting room to give the boys their food, and when I got their they were all sitting there on their phones.

"Hey, look what I got."

They all looked at me, and everyone but Zayn got up.

"Louis, what's wrong with Zayn?" I was curious I thought they all would be hungry.

"Oh, he said he can't eat while he is thinking about Li Li."

"I got this." I said he is going to eat if it is the last thing I do.

.....................................................................................................................................................................

 I moved towards Zayn from where I was standing and I tapped on his shoulder.

"Yes?" he said but didn't look up.

"Zayn, I know how you feel, but you really must eat he wouldn't want you to starve yourself." I really didn't want them to end up like me.

    "How would you know how I feel! You keep saying that, but you don't mean it! You don't know anything!" he screamed at me.

    I felt so small I needed to get away. So I did, I ran and I ran no matter how many times they screamed my name I didn't stop. I went into the lockers where we can get changed, and grabbed my bag. It had everything I needed. Then I ran into the private bathroom and took out my blades.

   I sliced my arm for everything. The yelling...slice, the abandonment...slice, my grandfather's death...slice. It was all my fault. If I would have  been a good child my parents wouldn't have left me. If I wouldn't have left the house my grandfather would still be here. If I wasn't so nosy Zayn wouldn't hate me. It will always be my fault.

   After a couple more minutes of crying I stood up, cleaned the blood, and bandaged my arm. I put my stuff in my locker and locked it. I went back to the waiting room making sure everyone was there then I walked up to them. They all looked at me and Zayn went to talk, but I put my hand up signaling that I didn't want to speak to him.

"I have to add more fluids to his IVs, so i'll do that and then I will leave for a while." I announced

    I went into Liam's room and added the fluids needed and made sure everything was working then I sat down because I felt dizzy. I decided that it was just best for me to go get something for the loss of blood. So, I started to walk out of the room, but somebody grabbed my wrist. I whimpered and tried to take my hand away, but it was to late whoever had grabbed me was turning my wrist over and pulling up my sleeve. It was Zayn and as he started to unwrap the bandage the tears that were once in my eyes were starting to fall.

   "Why, Ella, why? Why would you do this to yourself? Is this because of me? he asked as he held onto my now bleeding arm, but I couldn't answer him. I was getting dizzier and dizzier by the second. Then I fell and the last thing I remember is the boys running to me and Zayn holding me on his lap.

After a while I woke up, and Mabel was standing there scolding me with tears in her eyes.

"Young lady, how many times do I have to tell you can't do this to yourself? We almost lost you! If it wasn't for those nice young men you would be dead. You lost a lot of blood, and you will have to sit here and eat some food to gain your strength back." she handed me the food then said I had visitors. I knew who they would be, and I knew I had a lot of explaining to do.

  Right when I finished my soup all 4 of the boys walked in. I didn't look up. I felt ashamed and embarrassed for what I had done, but I still had to say thankyou. After all they did save my life.

   "Thankyou!" I said quickly.

  "Your welcome, but why did you do it Ella was it just what Zayn said or is there more?" Louis asked.

  "Sit down anywhere you can find a seat," So, I began to tell threm my story, "First off, it wasn't Zayn's fault it was mine." Zayn went to interject but I cut him off.

  "Before you say anything let me explain. My whole life everything has been my fault. My parents abandoning me, my grandfather's death, Zayn snapping. They are all my fault."

  "How could any of that be your fault?" Harry asked.

 "If I was a better child my parents wouldn't have left me, If I was a better granddaughter I wouldn't have left the house to get food and my grandfather wouldn't have died, and if I would've just left Zayn alone he wouldn't have snapped and I wouldn't be here." I cried.

  "Ella none of that is your fault. Your parents were probably jerks, you couldn't save your grandfather just like we couldn't have helped Liam, and Zayn was just in a mood and you were trying to help." Niall said.

  "While two of them could possibly be true one of them will always be my fault." I said

Zayn finally spoke up, "Before we continue I would like to say i'm sorry, I shouldn't have done what I did and I hope you can forgive me and we can be friends."

   "I do forgive you, and I would love to be friends with you." I said

  "Not to ruin this happy moment, but I am still confused how is one of them your fault?" Harry questioned.

  "Okay, this hard but I will try. After my parents abandoned me when I was fourteen my grandfather took me in. He was loving, caring, and he was just like a father to me. Just like Liam he had diabetes, and one day last year I went to the store to pick up some groceries for dinner. When I came home I found him laying on the floor unconcious. I checked his pulse and he was still breathing so I called the ambulance. They put him on a breathing machine like Liam, and after a year they asked me if I wanted to pull the plug. I didn't have money to keep paying the medical bills, so I had to say yes.

     It was the hardest thing I ever had to do, and I wanted to die. He was the only person I had left, so why not just end it. Eventually I went to the doctors and got diagnosed with a lot of things. Like, anorexia, depression, and self harming. It continued to get worse and worse and worse. Then I came across you guys, and I found out that Liam had diabetes too. He knows what it feels like to have to stick that needle in himself, he knows what  it feels like to have to prick your finger to take your blood, and constantly have to watch what you eat. So, I decided that I wouldn't end it yet. I no longer had that urge to die because Liam was there. Liam is my light, my hope, and my happiness. Liam is my reason to live. Without him I have no reason to be here." I was crying and I couldn't find the will to stop, so I didn't.

Soon enough I felt someone hug me then another,and another until it was one big group hug. After  everyone let go I still felt one person holding onto me. I looked up and to my suprise all four of the boys were on the otherside of the room. So, who was hugging me? As soon as I looked up I regretted it, because just like the first time I fainted.