RABIAT'S DIARY

DECEMBER 19

The sky is bright blue and the birds in the sky are many. A warm wind blows. It is ten days since I heard of Mahmud. I have told myself that if two weeks elapsed and no message came from him, I would send someone with a note to him.

I had found his address.

So I debate whether to write him or not. Of course, I must.

There is no use pretending that my life is okay without him.

I must see him!

This afternoon I had my bath late.

Just as I finish dressing up, there is a knock on my door and Uwa comes m to tell me that Mahmud wishes to see me Momentarily, I remain speeches, my mouth agape before I answer, "Okay, tell him I'm coming."

I go to see him, in father's parlor.

As soon as I see him, I sigh and pray within myself.

There he is, sitting quietly and holding a book. "Mahmud!" I blundered, bearing him a welcoming, smile.

It's a smile to my first love and my last love. He looks up, and then stands. His book drops to the ground.

"Rabiat!" He cries.

Then, collecting himself, he says,

"Pleased to see you once again. How are you doing?" I go and sit on the sofa, not far from him. I gesture him to sit down.

"l am fine, And you? Quite a long time," I answer.

Just then Uwa comes in with some chin chin and a drink. I must keep my cool.

I warn myself, after Uwa has gone, I start the conversation:

"Mahmud, I didn't think you would remember me again." "You know I wouldn't forget you, no matter what.

You are just teasing," he replies, eyeing my printed caftan, which suits me well. There is silence.

I could see he still loves me. Or am I just dreaming?

No, Mahmud loves me still. That is the most important fact.

"Mahmud," I begin, "if only you could understand..."

He holds up his hand to cut me off. "Spare me those apologies, I am tired of them.

Simply start at the beginning, and go all the way through to the end."

No he's not anxious.

"I want the truth, and nothing but the truth, and by God I intend to know how everything that happened."

"Has it ever occurred to you that I had been reasonable with Mohammed?

Sometimes I wonder how people could build their happiness on someone else's misery.

I had to be his wife and do the right thing..."

"But you were not his wife!

You were just the woman foolish enough to think that you were."

"Oh, bloody hell! Let's forget all that.

I don't care about anything but you." Mahmud smiles, showing his even white teeth.

This is my dream man.

I said in my mind. He looks quite handsome with his newly acquired beard.

"I don't really understand why it's so...

God knows that it is so.

I don't quite understand much of it.

All I do understand is that life is too precious and one wastes time doing things one does not want to do," I say.