Stray Master [MxM]

[Prologue]

🔒🗝

Scottish Translation

mo luran - my pretty boy

peata - Pet

🔒🗝

To be completely honest, I didn't have much faith Lewis, my boyfriend, and I would make it through all that happened. Especially with Dr.West and Lewis being missing, mostly with the mutation that was forced upon him and Seán. I wanted him to be alive and well, pain-free, and in one piece.

Unfortunately, I didn't believe that would be the case. Not at first, not when he went missing. Because I know my Lewis, he doesn't take anything from anyone and will not back down. I knew he'd open his mouth or throw a punch, multiple even, and he'd fight with his life if he absolutely had to. Seán makes him worse, they're connected, and when Lewis is in rage mode, it's a good bet that Seán is too.

Lewis would pick fights and get himself in trouble with whoever had them, that's what got me so depressed when he first went missing. Knowing that he'd most likely be the first to die put me in a horrible headspace, I kept reimagining the last moment I had with him and picturing the moment I found out he was dead. It was the worse time in my life.

The time I spent with Zyon, Axel, and Robert after I realized Lewis was missing, was a blur. I was emotionally dead and mentally wasn't healthy, Axel tried his best to give me what I needed and I honestly appreciated that but it wasn't enough. Lewis was gone and it felt like my whole purpose was uprooted and thrown away, I give the man total control over me and my life. He's what keeps me together and functional.

When Lewis was taken, it damaged me. My schedule was out of tune, I didn't know what to do, and I had to make decisions when normally Lewis would decide and guide me. I couldn't wear my collar either, having it on felt wrong when Lewis wasn't there. Axel wasn't capable of making every decision for me, or tell me to get dressed, brush my hair or teeth. He had Zyon to worry about, and himself also. Robert is another submissive, and as much as he knew, he couldn't help me in the way I needed.

Kneeling helped for a while. Being the position Lewis and I agreed on, remembering all the good time's Lewis had used or toyed with me in the position. Reminding myself that he was proud of me and he loved me, I was his good boy and he'd try his hardest to get back to me. It kept me sane, whenever I felt alone or too overwhelmed I kneeled down into my position- knees spread, hands palm down on my thighs, and my chin to my chest.

Keeping my mind focused on Lewis and past conversations, actions, or touches, seemed to help. It's the only reason I masturbated a few times, I didn't feel any pleasure from it and I felt ashamed I did afterward because one of my rules is to never touch myself. That's Lewis's job and he loves knowing he pleases me, that he's the only one who, 'gets the honor of pleasing you.'

I couldn't control it though. Thinking back to touches and kisses led to reimagining sex and sexual rewards he gave me, when I got hard I didn't know to do. As I finished, it wasn't a pleasant experience. I was overcome with grief and ashamed I broke a rule, I didn't even clean myself up as I cried myself to sleep.

I've been told, mostly by family, that my connection to Lewis isn't healthy. I depend too much on him, I let him control me too much, or I'm in an unhealthy relationship. I'm not and he never takes advantage of me, he respects my limits and stops when I safe word. He performs aftercare and makes me his first priority in everything.