Why Don't We Imgaines

Jonah Marais | Cuts

Warning: Mention of self harm

Jeanelle's POV

I was so close to one year without self - harming. But the hate was just too much last night. Jonah doesn't know though. If he did, I honestly don't know how he would react. He's the only thing that keeps me from not wanting to just die. He's the one who pulled me out of my self-harming stage. 

The reason I didn't tell Jonah last night was because he went out with his childhood best friends that he hasn't seen in almost four years so I didn't want to interrupt him. 

I usually don't let hate get to me. I really don't know why it got to me last night though. Comment after comment. All hate. 

"Jeez Jonah really does have bad taste in girls."

"Ew she looks like a typical slut"

"I don't see what Jonah see's in her"

"She belongs on the streets"

I walked into the bathroom and grabbed Jonah's razor. I cut myself eight times. 

Three for wasting Jonah's energy

Two for not being able to live up to people's expectations

Three for being so ugly

I cleaned myself up and walked out of the bathroom. 

"Hey baby" Jonah says. 

"Hey" I say

"Why do you seem so sad?"

"I'm not" I say. Trying to make it as convincing as possible.

"Really?" He asks. Lifting up an eyebrow. 

Suddenly out of nowhere he starts tickling me.

"J-Jonah!" I squeal. 

"W-What are you d-doing!" I barley get out.

"You weren't being your usual self" He says frowning

"I was" 

"No you weren't" he says. 

"It's okay I still want to tickle you. I like hearing you laugh"

"N-no Jonah!" I run out of the room trying to go down the stairs as fast as I can. That didn't really work though because before I could get to the stairs I feel two large hands wrap around my waist. 

"Where do you think you're going?" Jonah says with a smirk on.

"I-I don't know" I try not to giggle and look at him innocently 

Out of nowhere he starts tickling again. I couldn't stop laughing. I tried to get out of his grip. I totally forgot about my cuts and wiggled out of my denim jean jacket. I started running and running and running. I turned back and instead of seeing Jonah he just looks at me concerned. 

"Jeanelle! What in the world did you do to your arm?"

"I- It's not what it looks like Jo." I try to cover up my arm.

"No Jeanelle we aren't doing this again."

He leads us back into our bedroom and sits me on the bed. Him standing up and me sitting down. My legs were in between his legs so I couldn't leave.

"I need you to be honest with me. What happened?" He looks at me with seriousness. 

"I don't know." I say looking down at the ground.

"That's bullshit Jeanelle. If you want me to help you, you need to tell me what's wrong."

I couldn't do it. All the hate coming back to me. I try to squirm out of his grip but his arms were gripped around my shoulder and I couldn't move my legs.

I used all of my energy and pushed him off of me and started running. Again I couldn't go that far. I got to the bottom of the stairs when I felt two strong arms around my waist. 

"Jeanelle. You're not getting out of this." Jonah says sternly.

I couldn't hold it anymore. I burst into tears. Jonah seeing the state I was in was quick to pull me into a hug. 

"I need you to talk to me."

"I- last night the hate just got too much and I didn't want to bother you since you were with your friends and you haven't seen them in ages." I say all in one breath looking at the ground not wanting to see his reaction. 

He put his finger on my chin and lifted my head up so I looked at him. 

"Hey. You'll never get in the way of things. I love you okay? It doesn't matter what they say. They don't know the real you. I love you for who you are."

"O-okay."

"Promise me if you ever feel like doing this again you talk to me okay? I don't care if I'm in the studio or in an interview because your mental health means way more to me." 

"O-Okay. I love you Jonah"

"I love you too. Now let's get you to bed it's getting late. 

738 words