Atlantic Melody: The Facade Of 'Action'
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Welcome ladies and gentlemen, to the first review! hosted by our beloved PinkpieMarnin, "Honest Reviews" aims to provide you with honest feedback on your favorite Wattpad stories. Please remember that Misseu bores no hate or ill-will towards the respective authors of these stories; he is just expressing his opinion on the artistic works of the authors.
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without further ado, let's go one with our first review, Atlantic Melody!
1. PACING-PACING-PACING
When I pick up a new novel or a book, it is usually after a long, tiring day. My body would be drained of its strength and my mind wobbly and shaky. I read in hopes of relaxing, no matter what the genre is, for i know that as the chatracters are introduced and the world is being built i can slowly take in the premise of this newfound story. my mind is at ease.
Melody, however, gives me no chance to relax. It is as if i picked up the story by mistake and, once i read past its first pages, i am immediately reminded of my terrible, terrible distressed state.
The story starts off in a new school year. however, the fast paced story style throws us into a chaotic, action-filled frenzy that makes no sense whatsoever. our protaganist is a sophomore student called Leona. Leona is a very weak-minded character that is shy of her own parents. As she enters her new school, Leona's feelings are described as "nervous" and "cautios". however, our protganist manages to make a friend on the first day of school, have a crush on a classmate on the second day, and slapping another classmate for no apparent reason and consqeuntly aggravate a gang of students on the third day. Also, something that she does which seems really out of character is bow before students when apologizing. this is indeed stupid. i do wonder where the author go this idea from.
You see, the problem is, this doesn't make sense to the reader. The story is moving at an incredible pace that doesnt give the reader a chance to reflect on the character's actions nor relate to them. We don't understand Leona, or her annoying, pushy friend Khloe. We are at chapter 7, yet we still dont know who Leona is. What I see when I read your story is a plain, white broad space, with incomplete people in it. This is because you did not give your readers enough time to know what they're dealing with.
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2. Grammar
You gotta fix your commas kid. They're, all, over, the, place.
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3. Dialogue
Simply put, your prose is weak. You need to read more. Most of your dialogue is very poorly written, and some lines are uncharacteristic of their respective speaker. For example,
"If you want Tara to stop giving you things, then tell her yourself."
This came out of the blue. It has zero correlation to Leona's previous actions.
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4. Hook
When i finished reading chapter 7, i asked myself why i was reading your story. indeed, the 7th chapter was one of the better chapters in this book as it gave us a small dose of surprising action. then again, this wasn't the purpose behind this story. at the start, i was given a promise of 'superpowers'. however, at chapter 7, i am yet to witness any such thing. it is said that the ''hook'' of a story should be in the first 3 chapters, so that the reader is compeled to read on further. I am guessing the superpowers had something to do with water?? Nevertheless, I couldnt be bothered anymore after going through nine chapters. I still don't know where the story is headed, what the 'huge secret' that's troubling the protaganist. When you keep on delaying this big surprise, I am not intrigued to read on, instead, I'm brushed off by the nonchalant author who refuses to tell us why we're reading Atlantic Melody in the first place!
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5. Characters
your characters are not good. You need to fix them. I'm waiting for the plot twist where it is revealed that the story takes place in outer space and Leona and the rest of the circus are actually robots that are trying to imitate humans.
Its the second day, and Leona already has a trustworthy friend and a crush. whatever happened to the shy girl who's hiding a secret power? We have our generic sexy delinquent, Jaiden, the badass that is secretly a good guy, and his accomplice Terrell, who looks like he slept with Khloe. my favorite character IS DEFINELTY Mr. Denver, because he's the only human in the cast.
Don't forget Tara, our girl bully who has a crush on Jaiden, which she declares to Leona after she saw her talking to Jaiden. Jaiden, of course, is too cool to even talk to Tara. Yare Yare
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Conclusion
All in all, this was not a good experience. I hope the author would rewrite the whole story because, as it is now, Atlantic Melody is not worth another victim.
FINAL SCORE: 1/10
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NO| || || ||UNENJOYABLE| || || ||BAD| || || ||AVERAGE| || || ||FINE| || || ||GREAT| || || ||MASTERPIECE
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