Writing: Avoiding Pitfalls

Rookie Mistakes: Common Description Pitfalls

I've discussed some tips on how to write descriptions well. Now I'm going to talk about the three most common mistakes new writers make when describing things. I already went over one of them in a previous chapter - clichés - but it bears benefit to go more in-depth. Before we do, though, let's talk about the other two rookie mistakes: the white box and purple prose.

The White Box

The white box is probably the most common mistake I see with new writers, to the point where I can usually tell whether a story is someone's first work based on the appearance of this error. Simply put, it's the flaw of not describing the scene around the characters - either it's insufficient or absent. Thus, the reader has no sensory information and feels like they're in a white box, interacting with the characters.

This is an error you want to fix as soon as possible, because as we've established, your goal as a writer is to give your reader both a good story and an immersive experience. If they can't immerse themselves into a setting, they'll get bored and stop reading - or worse, you may create frustration in your reader.

So how do you get rid the white box? Fill it up. If adding description doesn't come naturally to you, pause the scene and get out your journal. Close your eyes and envision the setting. Think about how it affects all five senses, as well as the emotions you feel. Then list as many of those little details - how deeply blue the sky is, how the flowers smell nice, how the wind feels. I'd even advise filling the page, if you can. Afterward, weave this information carefully into the scene to give your readers more of a sense of place.

Purple Prose

This error is something I see more with rookies who realize they have a problem with the white box and swing too far in the other direction. Purple prose is the reason we all prefer the Lord of the Rings movies to the books (yeah, I went there 😏). But I think the term is still relatively unknown in the writing community, so let's discuss it.

Purple prose is when you have so much description or such a high vocabulary that it chokes the flow of the story. I've read stories where authors had so many paragraphs dedicated to all the details that I couldn't understand what was going on. Eventually, I gave up reading out of pure confusion. Just as bad as the white box is not allowing your reader to understand what's going on because there's too much description.

The problem of purple prose is three-fold. First, there's often an underlying issue with sentence structure, where there are more than three long clauses in a sentence. Second, the author often uses too many adjectives to describe something that's not important to the story (thus "highlighting and underlining" everything). Third, the author will use extremely high-level vocabulary to the point where most readers are scratching their heads and confused as to what the word even means.

Solving the purple prose problem requires understanding what exactly your issue is. If your issue is sentence structure, try to split up sentences if there are more than three clauses, and choose maybe three of the most important details per paragraph. You also need to have a balance of description, action, and character development in a scene, or your reader will get bored. 

If your issue is too many adjectives, choose one or two of the most important ones and stick with it. All writers will have to sacrifice some detail for the sake of readability, but you need to find that balance between purple prose and the white box. Choose two strong adjectives, and cut adverbs if at all possible. Oftentimes, less is more. Trust your readers; they can fill in more blanks about description than you realize.

Finally, if your issue is that your vocabulary is too high for readers to grasp, you'll have to get to know your audience and adjust your style accordingly. Do you write children's books? Elementary-age? Middle to high-school level (these are where my books fall)? New adult? Adult fiction? This will influence the word choice you use greatly. If you need a reference, read some books that are of the age level you write to. However, it's generally agreed that you shouldn't write with a vocabulary above a high-school English class, because even most adults read and communicate at that level, and there are many words the average person just doesn't know.

Clichés

I touched on this rookie mistake a bit in my chapter on writing emotion, but clichés are the final error I see most often. This one isn't limited to rookie writers; my beta reader for Alura had to point out a few in my text. We all can allow clichés to creep into our work from time to time. To understand how to fix them, however, we have to know how they come about.

Clichés exist because writers spin their stories from what they consume. We all get ideas from the world around us, and that can be good as long as you put your own unique thumbprint on it. However, there comes a point where a line or story concept is no longer original, and at worst plagiarizes someone else's hard work. Moreover, clichés can cause a concept to lose its meaning and even take the reader out of the story.

Clichés are the result of trying to explain a familiar concept in a familiar way. You as a writer want to hook your readers in by introducing a familiar concept in a new way, so it's powerful and memorable. Thus, you'll need to put a little more work in when you describe things. (Tangent, but I find that this happens a lot in music, and I'm wondering if it has something to do with the difference in focus between lyricists and fiction writers. Bad music can get popular because of the sound; us poor prose writers don't have that luxury.)

Two examples of clichés I'll give: "This isn't you!" and "He let out the breath he didn't realize he was holding." Now what? The only way to avoid clichés is to spot them, and the only way to spot them is to read copiously. The more fiction you consume, the more you'll recognize trite and overused phrases. And if you see a line you recognize in your works - any recognized line - highlight it and replace it. Chances are you got it from somewhere else.

When you recognize a cliché, there are two things you can do. First, you could cut the cliché and just say what you mean. This is what I'd advise for poets especially, since you have very limited space to communicate. For prose writers, however, I'd lean toward doing more than that. If it's a matter of phrasing, like He let out the breath he didn't realize he was holding, just spin it differently. For example, He breathed out, spots speckling in his vision. Had he really been that nervous, that he'd held his breath? If it's a matter of figurative language, you'll have to do more brainstorming. Take a look at my chapter on emotion and do some hard thinking.

This concludes the part on description. In the next part, we'll explore what to do once you have a good setting: creating a character that readers will want to read about.