Vice [h.s]

IV

It's been a week since that night with Harry, and we have avoided each other at all costs. I'm not even sure whether or not he's been at his apartment this whole time, not that I care.

Today I got lunch with Mitch, a close coworker of mine, one of the only coworkers that I spend time with outside of work. He works more in the design department of the company I work for, while I focus on merchandising. We would often collaborate on projects and attend the same fashion shows, so our friendship was inevitable.

We grabbed lunch at this small Mediterranean restaurant that my other friend Niall works at. He's the manager and that restaurant is his pride and joy; which it should be, it's a hot spot in the middle of downtown LA that often serves celebrities and other people of importance. He always manages to get me a table when I stop by even if it's busy.

I've known Niall for many years now, around the same amount of time I've known Vanessa. I met him through Derek - he was his best friend. He and I became actual friends aside from the fact that I was just his best friend's girlfriend. He was there for me so much throughout Derek's passing, just like I was for him, or as much as we could be for each other. We were both really distraught, and still struggle with it and often have conversations about how we're doing, and I think if anything it brought us closer. I'm so thankful to have him. He has become one of my most unexpected blessings.

Over lunch, Niall took his break and sat with Mitch and I. We planned a house party at my apartment. It was Mitch's idea, something about "giving it new life" and taking ownership of the space so that it can feel more like home again.

*Approximately two weeks later*

I'm nervous for tonight. Only because it's my first house party without Derek. It was impossible for anything like this to happen at V's house, and I wasn't in the right headspace. Shit, I still may not be, but this could be good. All of my friends gathered together with alcohol. This has to be good.

People are going to start showing up around seven so I have some time, around two hours, to clean up the mess that my apartment has become in the past few weeks and get ready. Niall, Mitch, Vanessa and Natalie are coming. Natalie asked if she could bring someone with her that she met a few weeks ago. She apparently met him when she went out for drinks after work and has been in touch with him since. It sounds like she's interested in him and if that's the case, then he is probably a decent human so I think I'm okay with her inviting him. I already said yes so let's hope I'm right.

I set out a few snacks and some glasses for drinks along with various chasers and a handle of vodka. Niall and V offered to bring some alcohol which is nice, so I don't have to contribute all that much.

After tidying up and making myself presentable, I checked the time and it's 6:50. I look in the mirror in my bathroom one more time. For tonight, because I want to feel good and confident, despite the tug at my heart to be doing this without Derek, and the still overwhelming stress and embarrassment I feel about what happened with Harry, or rather what didn't happen, I decided on off-white flare jeans with snakeskin heels, a black long sleeve and a few pieces of jewelry. It feels like more of a going out outfit, but I haven't looked this good and put together in a while. Everybody else should be dressed to the same tier as well, seeing as this is the normal fashion of these house parties. I cleaned up some smudged mascara around my eyes and dry shampooed my hair, giving it more volume. I feel good. I need this.

I quickly make a round throughout the house and make sure bedroom doors are closed, especially his. I still haven't stepped foot into it so I don't know why it would be open but I need to make sure. I grab the key to the bedroom door out of my nightstand and lock it. I can't chance anyone walking into it and not realizing that it's not being used.