I was walking down the road. I smile at every people I meet along the way not knowing how sad I am on the inside. I just needed to get out of this reality. I ran and ran. I didn't care if someone saw me. I just want to send something, a letter. I just want to express.
As I got home, I already went to my room and locked it. I thrown my things on my bed and immediately opened the computer. As I wait for this computer to start, I asked myself, "Why?." It's like an endless dream before this computer starts. My thoughts are ramming by the second. I need to let this all out now. I can't take my little life anymore. I can't take how I need to put on a mask everyday. I hate myself for being that way.
The computer just opened and I went to my email. It was mostly by facebook and I clicked on the sending mails button. My fingers are like flying as I type everyword, every word that pops in my mind.
Dear people of the high above,
I am a mere mortal. I know you can zap me and turn me into dust for a few seconds or let me suffer an unrighteous death. However, I persuade you and tell you not to first. Listen to me for what I hate to say.
Why are you like the kind of people that needs a punch in the face but can't. you are all too big and powerful. I question this. Why would be the big bosses of my tiny little world are you all menacing creatures. You could someone just for your pleasure, greed, and for you to feel more of "you."
What about me? A mere mortal? A pleasant soul that never wants madness running rampant in the world? Why is it I, anobody, is just a nobody?
I say this to you gods, so called gods, bosses of my really small world, will you please STOP!
You think you know everything and know that you're right. Why do you think that? Why are you blessed with such gifts? Why am I always doing the worng things? Why am I cursed? I only befriended and known you. Why am I weak to your eyes? Why do you always prey upon me? Is it because I'm too thin? I am a stick with a face? Or because of my peaceful nature?
Why does peace was only for the "weak" and "girly"? Why do the "men" want war? To prove they are "men." Why does "men" need to be this and that? Well men will always fight... so they can't be like me... always picked on...
Why do you gods think I don't have feelings? You've done enough. You've done more that enough to shatter me to pieces... to break me inside. I wear a mask today because of you and that I'm slowly drowning in this identity. Any moment could be my last...
Why do I have to be like this? A boy with a mouth but no voice. Why do I withhold my feelings, the truth? Ahhh.. a.. a childhood memory of mine would be an answer. Not telling the truth sooner would be better that to be yelled and spanked at. Why didn't I mature? Something happened. From my old life to this one. Our team was never the same again. The head captain left and let us crumble. I am the only one who can save us. I need to be the head captain but I can't. I don't want to leave this place where I'm staying. I didn't want to mature that early. It came like a virus, spreading slowly as I am typing this letter. It's sometimes there and sometimes my insides are empty. Though, I feel every burst that it is growing. I could've killed myself, given up. I don't what drived me on. I just do.
The problems you have me faced now are really tiring. don't know when this smile will last longer. I don't know when this pleasant character of mine will be of use anymore if it dries out. I will reduce into nothing, into the darkness. Maybe just let me... Yes... let me... don't you ever lay a hand on me after you read this.
You gods of my little tiny world, you think I can just be played at and be a servant. I don't want to feel that feeling of being a slave, reducing yourself so that others gain.
I know my actions are random sometimes... all of it.. are always wrong. I have this condition of pinning myself into this. That I did this and that and I need to be punished. Could you guys, people, of my tiny little sphere leave? Forget... Just forget me... I've done everything to not have a painful goodbye.. Forget.. that is all I ask for.
-someone
And clicked send to all the people that made me feel... lower than I usually am.
