Fade Away

Turmoil

TW: Death, depression, suicidal thoughts, murder, child murder

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Frisk couldn't breathe. Couldn't let themself breathe, their hands clamped tightly over their mouth to force down the screams tangled in their chest, even as their lungs strained and cramped from the lack of air. They were trembling, body shivering from where it sat in the flowers, heart pounding heavily behind their rib cage, as they tried and tried to force down the sounds bubbling up in their throat.

(they know they know they know they know-)

(Breathe you moron, you're not going to help anyone passed out,) Chara whispered acidly, unamused at Frisk's display.

Their hands were involuntarily moved away, and their mouth opened to greedily gulp down fresh air, and a soft keening sound escaped from their mouth. Chara relinquished control as quickly as possible, forcing them back in charge, even as they scrambled to shove it back. But Chara wouldn't let them go so easily.

"No more hiding Frisk. Haven't we done enough of that?"

"They know!" The words spilled out hysterically, disbelieving and desperate; shattering whatever fragile hold they had held over their emotions. "They know!"

Now that it had been torn away, Frisk had realised that it was the only good thing to come out of the resets, the security that no-one would remember whatever horrific things they had gotten up to, that they wouldn't remember them at their best or their worse. Oh it had ached, had grated and scraped at their Soul every time a monster had greeted them like a stranger, but being a stranger was better than being their murderer. They felt exposed, trapped within the web of delusions and lies they had created, had built upon their friends' dust.

(everything was screwed up, was ruined, the monsters wouldn't have any peace of mind, wouldn't be able to continue living in blissful ignorance)

It was as Chara said. No more hiding. Frisk couldn't run from this, couldn't flirt or pacify or murder their way out of confrontation.

Papyrus would remember them going on a date on reset, and brutally slaughtering him in the next, spitting at his offer at friendship and redemption, sometimes letting him be the only survivor, forcing him to rule an empty and dust-filled kingdom-

(there would be no redemption here, no second chances, no forgiveness and open arms)

Asgore would see them sitting with him at a table surrounded by greenery and flowers, sipping tea and talking about each other's day, and then he'd see them killing him in a moment of vulnerability, would see them stand by as Flowey tore his body up-

(he would never offer to be a family again, would stare at them with wary eyes, waiting for them to turn any moment)

Undyne, oh God, Undyne-

Moments of laughter, of ridiculous cooking, of watching silly movies, curled up in each other's arms, that hidden gentleness she only ever showed them, quiet hugs on rainy days, cradled in her arms as she dashed across fields whooping in joy, whispered promises and stories about her family, the selfish happiness they had always looked forward to-

Attacking Monster Kid and hitting her instead, the smell of burnt rubber as she rose up from her ashes, fighting her as she refused to give up, watching her slowly melt into the ground, her last war cries as she slowly dissolved into sludge-

-sometimes leaving her the only one alive, making her into a vengeful and lonely queen, hearing her scream and mourn for the friends and family they had killed-