Sad Shit

I Stopped Feeling So Long Ago

"how do you do it?" they ask

Friends, classmates, team members.

I shake my head and laugh

"can you do it again?" the kid sitting next to me says

I pick up the pin and stick it in my hand.

He visibly winces and so does everyone else.

I keep my face neutral, not giving away any signs of the pain I'm under.

My eyes flicker ever so slightly as I catch hers from across the room.

The only kid that doesnt crowd around my desk and question me.

As her eyes meet mine, I let a little of what I'm feeling into them, hoping she'll understand.

She nods at the door and stands up.

I leave shortly after her and we go to the bathroom.

"why do you do it?" she asks, but not in the way they usually do.

"I don't know, it just doesnt hurt" I reply and look at the floor.

"don't bullshit me" she spits, "I saw your eyes in there. The heartbreak and emptiness behind them."

"you wouldn't understand" I mutter, still not looking at her.

"I do" she says and lofts my chin up.

I look into her deep brown eyes and they she pours all her emotion into them.

I see the pain, the terror and the loneliness clear as day.

Sye shows me her hand and I see marks, most would assume freckles.

But I know what they really are

I have the same ones

"I stopped feeling long ago, figured it was easier to not care than get my dreams crushed." She says and for the first time, I understand another human.

"better to die than keep living, right" I say and she laughs

"could you stop though" she says as I walk away.

I turn to look at her and pull a weird face.

"stop what"

"the pin thing, please. For me" she says and I smile.

"only if you sit with me at lunch" I joke and she laughs.

"like winnie the pooh. Sit with me in the dark"

"yeah, just like pooh"

How I met my girlfriend