Heather - The Dreamy girl

I am heather and while i was writting this i promised myslef to be honest.it all started 2 years ago , i was super desperate ,i had no hope, i was always super sad , and started crying every night for no reason and the only thing that listened to me is my pillow ,some nights i would just hug my pillow so0 tight like never hugged someone this way and just start cry and talk , ok i know i sound like 6yr girl or whatever but seariosly this is what i did when i was 17. People around always controlled me specially my parents .

I am type of this person that isnt afraid to walk this life alone but all i am actually afraid is walking this life with people controlling me like i am a doll and i am also this type of person that loves doing stuff alone without anyone telling me stop or whatever like please leave me alone you are making me worse than i already am.

Missing somone you have never met really sucks. Someone has been coming out in my dreams he is the same person , it just made me feel good at the same time bad ,it is so weird . That someone comes out in my dreams when ever i think about him ,he just makes my dreams ten times better. You know when you rember that you had a dream last night but forgot what was it ,well thats what always happened to me before that person appeared in my dreams i literally remeber every single dream , sometimes i stay thinking about it for a whole day and some times weeks. the best part of my day is sleeping , He is not the same person in every single dreem but his personality is the same thats why i know he is the same person. the dreams i get are not like time machines or flying car , there all about a person that cares about me listens to me hugs me a person i can trust at the same time a friend, i know i am not asking for too much but this thing is a dream for me .
They say if you can still remember your dream . It isn't a dream , it is a message and I literally remember every single dream he appeared in with the details . But I really don't know what's the message yet .God knew I needed support .I was drowning  but he saved me . God gave me messages in these dreams that this mysteries boy appeared in ,to tell me that . It is okay to cry but I want you to know that you are not alone and You can talk to me .

l really dont know how i reached to this point but i know that i reached a point i started trusting strangers because every single close person is hurting me soo much without even noticing they think they are helping me but they are actually making me feel worse than I already am.