Magic Touch

Pain...

~Right now I am sitting on the side of the road, crying in a ball. I thought that I would never say his name again. But I know I needed to though. I shouldn't keep all of these feelings locked away. Because I know that if I do my feelings will explode. BOOM!! Then I will take my pain/anger out on someone else. And the last thing I want to do is to hurt someone I care about. I don't want any one to feel pain. No one should feel pain, but in this world they do...

"Vara come on!!!" Chloe screams at me. I forgot what we were doing. "Okay... Hold up!" I said back. "So we have 2 different apartments and 1 house to look at for our new home!" Kimberly says happily. Oh yeah, we are shopping for a new home. Which I am happy about because I am ready to leave my mom. "So did you ever tell your mom that you are leaving yet?" Kimberly ask me. "Nope, and I'm not going to either." I say walking away because I knew what was coming next. "NO WAY THIS IS NOT HAPPENING AGAIN!!!!" Kimberly screams at me. "What do you mean again?!" Chloe ask her. "Well, before all of our boyfriend shit happened we had a YouTube group called Live*Laugh*Love. And we were 14 when we started it and she didn't tell her mom about it. Well, her mom found out about 2 years later and completely flipped!!! I got in trouble and so did she!!" Kimberly explains while looking like a crazy person because she used A LOT of hand gestures. "Wait, yall had a YouTube group?? Awesome!!" Chloe says. "Yeah, but I stopped when Adam broke me. Then I found umm... R-Ronan. And things just didn't cross my mind when I was with him" I explained. "Anyways I am 19 and I can move out without her permission. I only stayed there for free food. Like DA!!" I say laughing. We all laugh together while heading for the car.

*AT THE UP FOR SALE HOUSE*

"YAAAAAASSS! I LOVE IT!!!!" Kimberly screams climbing up the stairs. "What do you think?" I ask Chloe. "I really don't give a fuck. As long as this place isn't haunted." she jokes around. But I don't find it a joke and she notices. "Whats wrong? Did I say something?" she ask me. "Umm... I met Ronan at a haunted house." I said very quietly. And after that everything fell silent.

*1 WEEK LATER*

~So us 3 decided to buy the house together. And for once I am actually really excited. 1) To move in with the BEST FRIENDS EVER!! 2) To piss of my mom XD haha. And right now I am unpacking and thats when I reach the box. My box of Ronan. Even though he was a ghost he had enough energy to pick up small objects. He would write me poems. And I loved them because they weren't sweet little love poems. They were actually really deep and had meanings about life that I loved! He seemed to be the only one who understood me at that moment in my life. He seemed to be my sanctuary, the one place I could go for peace and refuge during hard times. And I know I have said this... but now that he is gone I have no one for that. I would love for Kimberly and Chloe to be like for me but no one can replace the power he had on me. And I hate how I put my whole world around him even though he was unstable. But I guess love can do that to us...

"We should have an awesome party!" Kimberly said. She is always trying to get Chloe and I to have fun. Basically Kimberly is popular and we are loners. lol... But it is true. "I don't know. I hate everyone you hang out with." Chloe says still reading her fanfiction. "I agree. They are all annoying as fuck. Plus a party?? Not my type of thing!" I complain. "Come on guys!!! Get your asses off of this couch sometimes!! Step outside of your shell!" She says jumping ontop of me. As I throw her ass on the floor I say, "I like my shell just fine" I know she is doing what is best for me but still, I really do hate this idea. "PLEEEAAASEEEE???" She screams and begs. Chloe and I glance at eachother and we know we will regret this later. "Fine..." Chloe and I say at the same time.

*THE NEXT DAY*

"SO... We need to throw the coolest, biggest ass party ever guys!!!" Kimberly says while grabbing her notebook. "Any ideas?" she ask Chloe, Ainsly, and I. "Why am I even here??? It's not like those nasty people will be able to see me... I am a ghost." Ainsly points out. "DA!! You are gonna mess with Jacob and his squad so we can have some fun!!" Kimberly says with a smirk. Ainsly laughs and then vanishes. "Do you think that was a yes?" Kimberly ask me. "I have no fucking idea. Probably... She does love messing with people." I say. "Do we have to have this party?" I ask whining. "YAS WE DO! Well, what do you think Chloe?" Kimberly ask. "I don't give a fuck what happens as long as their is beer and food!!" She says. GREAT! Now we are definitly having this party. I couldn't handle this so I stormed into my room.

~I get it was a little dramatic for me to storm into my room and "accidently" breaking Kimberlys door. Oops... soooo didn't mean to. It's just that she is always pushing me to do things... which actually I love. If it wasn't for her I would be a cat lady getting fat off of Taco Bell. Sooo true

But sometimes I just want to share my pain. I want them to know how it feels to be me. And yes they have both been through things to... bad things. Life has given all of us scars. But Chloe and Kimberly are so open about their feelings. And I don't unerstand how they can be. It is so hard for me to open up to anyone! Even Ronan had to spend hours begging me to tell him why I was upset sometimes. I think I am this way because I don't want to admit to myself that there is something wrong with me and I need to be fixed. Plus, this whole thing with Ronan just gone doesn't help. But I promised him I would be strong and won't try....a-anything. Earlier this month when I was up on that window seal I was actually thinking about it. But if I went through with i-it... I can't even think about it.... My Pain is the worst thing of all. It is the thing that destroys me and it is a burden.... I need it to just go away....

That is when Chloe walks in and says..."That's the thing about pain, it demands to be felt..."