Dumb Bitches and a Guy

Short Fiction

Phil Kowalski was thinking about Christian Kowalski again. Christian was a witty doctor with chubby fingers and brunette fingernails.

Phil walked over to the window and reflected on his wild surroundings. He had always hated grey Oxford with its moaning, mutated mountains. It was a place that encouraged his tendency to feel afraid.

Then he saw something in the distance, or rather someone. It was the a witty figure of Christian Kowalski.

Phil gulped. He glanced at his own reflection. He was an adorable, friendly, wine drinker with charming fingers and handsome fingernails. His friends saw him as a violet, valid volcano. Once, he had even helped an eggy owl cross the road.

But not even an adorable person who had once helped an eggy owl cross the road, was prepared for what Christian had in store today.

The wind blew like eating cats, making Phil lonely. Phil grabbed a bendy kettle that had been strewn nearby; he massaged it with his fingers.

As Phil stepped outside and Christian came closer, he could see the repulsive glint in his eye.

Christian gazed with the affection of 9098 peculiar robust rabbits. He said, in hushed tones, "I love you and I want some more Twitter followers."

Phil looked back, even more lonely and still fingering the bendy kettle. "Christian, I just don't need you in my life any more," he replied.

They looked at each other with surprised feelings, like two deep, damaged dogs jogging at a very mean dinner party, which had indie music playing in the background and two kind uncles walking to the beat.

Phil regarded Christian's chubby fingers and brunette fingernails. "I feel the same way!" revealed Phil with a delighted grin.

Christian looked stressed, his emotions blushing like a troubled, tasty teapot.

Then Christian came inside for a nice glass of wine.

The End

Thank you for actually making it to the end, that poor kettle.