To Be A Malfoy

07

After hours of crying I decide to make my way down the hallway and into the kitchen to find something to eat. I notice how dark it's become and instead of following my original plan, I open the grand doors and walk outside. The air is nice and everything outside is peaceful, which is what I was hoping for today. I decide to take a seat on the grass and examine the grounds in front of me in the moonlight. 

I hear the door open but choose to ignore it and the person who sits next to me.  We sit there in comfortable silence, and it's like the day is ending how I wanted it to. Hopefully it stays this way. 

"Are you ready to begin at Hogwarts?" a raspy voice speaks and hands me a plate of food. I look up to see Malfoy sitting next to me. He's in a pair of gym shorts and a white t shirt, which is something I never thought I would see him in. 

"Yeah, I guess I am," I look away from him and begin to think about everything that is about to happen. The smile on my face fades once I start to wonder if I'll even be accepted by anyone, considering what the girls have said about Malfoy. 

What if I don't become a Slytherin like my parents? Or my future in laws? Or my husband? Will I become the disappointment of the family? I can't produce any more tears at this point but it feels like I could cry at any moment. 

"I'm sorry," Malfoy reaches over and grabs my hand, but I pull mine back. 

"You know, everything would be okay if I was at home being homeschooled and getting ready for life. Everything would be okay if I was getting to choose who I marry. Everything would be okay if the man I was marrying wasn't a complete asshole to me and treated me like shit!" I begin to laugh and cover my face with my hands. 

"I really am sorry. I cause enough trouble for everyone," his voice trembles and I remove my hands from my face so I can look at the boy sitting next to me before he continues to speak, "I have to act like a hard-ass to impress my dad. I have to show him I'm worthy enough to continue the Malfoy line and that I'm worthy enough for the task he has set me with, even if I don't want it."

Tears begin to stream down his face and I feel instant regret for going off on him like this. I move closer to him and set the plate of untouched food down and wrap my arm around his, laying my head on his shoulder.

"We don't get along very well, but the least we could do is try to get along. We're stuck with each other whether we like it or not. I'm tired of you treating me like this for the past couple of weeks. Like hell, at least let me call you Draco without getting your panties in a twist. Your mother named you Draco, use your damn name." I know he can hear the anger and hurt in my voice but I say it softly, not wanting to upset him anymore. 

"You know, you're not the only person who dreams of death eaters. I wondered why my family wanted ours to join, and I was oblivious. I don't know why I didn't put two and two together. Our families are the two most loyal of you-know-who. They've sheltered me for so long to be their perfect death eater," it's almost as if I whisper soft enough to where nobody can hear what I've said, not wanting anybody to know of the outcome of my life. I mutter a spell and the mask over my arm is gone and the mark is no longer hidden. 

He doesn't say anything to me, he just grabs my arm and runs his fingers across the skull and snake. His fingertips are cold and send a shiver down my spine. 

"I get mine in two days," he whispers to me and pulls up his shirt sleeve, "I'll never see this fully bare again for a long time." 

All of a sudden it's no longer silent outside and thunder claps. Lightning bolts light up the night sky but neither of us bother to move. We just stare at each other's arms. He continues to trace the outline of my mark. 

I don't know why I was so oblivious to everything with his family and mine. I guess I pushed back all thoughts of death eaters and especially the thoughts of me being a death eater. 

The rain begins to pour down and we finally take the cue to go inside. Lightning continues to light up the sky and thunder fills the empty silence around us. 

"I think it's time to dry off," I laugh when we get back inside and Draco nods his head.  

"This tonight never happened, Avery," his voice is cold again and I stop in my tracks. I look behind me and he is just glaring at the floor. What happened in those few seconds for him to change? 

Just when I thought he was getting better, he goes back to being himself. I hurry upstairs into my room and strip my clothes, ready to sleep and forget about tonight. Is one peaceful night too much to ask for? 

-----

What feels like minutes later, my sleep is interrupted when somebody walks into my room and slides under the covers. 

"I'm sorry, Avery. It's just, the darkness has taken over me. I don't want it to.  I want to be a kid again. I don't want to be alone." 

Why does he keep shifting? He went from opening up, to telling me it never happened, to sliding into my bed during the odd hours of the morning.  

I don't say anything to him. I stay still in my bed and stare at the wall in front of me. He doesn't try to move any closer and I'm grateful for that. He has so much pain in him and I don't know if I can relieve it. 

We're the same, even if I don't realize it. 

My mind races with thoughts, like usual. Maybe life with Draco could be happy. First step is to stop calling him Malfoy. But let's be honest, can one be happy whenever your life is controlled by you-know-who? The only thing I've gotten from staying here is the fact that I haven't had any orders or my family hasn't been drilling his beliefs into my head. Why has this given me a break, when all it's going to do is lead me further into his army? 

I won't be alone, I'll have Draco. 

I give up and turn around to face the platinum haired boy. He's still awake and his cold, dark eyes aren't so cold and dark right now. They're just sad. 

"You're not alone," I say in a hushed tone, not wanting to be too loud. I place a singular kiss on his forehead before turning back around, wanting nothing more than to fall asleep. He wraps his arms around me, giving me a comfortable feeling of safety, before pulling me closer. 

Next thing I know, I'm falling asleep, once again, with his hot breath on my neck and his soft snores filling the room. 

I wish I knew what it was gong to really be like to be a Malfoy, but where would the fun be in that.