synthesis of 2 years worth of notes

november 26th 2018

Alone in a dark room, thinking about what's happening. No lights reach his eyes.
Sitted down on the floor, he whisper some of the darkest quotes. His life is falling apart. He could stand against it, fight it. He only need one thing. Sixteen years alone, he knows what it's like to be lonely. He always said he's fine. He always made people he loved happy. He never came in this room ever before. It's the darkest he never knew. Broken things fall on the floor. The walls are falling apart. He's smiling. He knows that the room won't resist for a long time. The outside pression is more than it can handle. He knows that one thing can make it indestructible. This thing, he perfectly know what it is, he search it since the beginning. It's the goal of his life. But sixteen years of being beaten down by his own feelings isn't good. Those cracks represent the lack of hope he have. He met someone. Some months earlier. She brought her to a high level of happiness. But higher you are, harder and longer the fall his. Life takes control again. Bringing everything down, introducing a new, bigger problem. Something he never faced before. Ane the tiny remaining flame that was in the dark room faded. He stand in front of where, years ago, a big fire was. The fire of hope. He starred at the walls, they weren't dark because of what thay were made of. They weren't dark, they were in a dark tone of red. It was his blood. The spatters of everytime feelings beaten him. He's wounded. It's the last time he will. The last time he will ever let his feelings will ever hirt him. But this last one added another thick layer on the walls. He've done so much thing to restore this room, it was his first reason to live for. But everything failed, because it wasn't only standing on his shoulder. It needed someone else. Not anybody, someone special, someone he chose. But it never worked. Because his meant to be alone forever. He looked around of what he is. This place could have been so beautiful. But life decided it wouldn't, so it won't.

Isn't it a poor future to be beaten down everytime you're happy?