(GxG) thin white lines

Chapter 17

There are trigger warning in here and please dont do any of this to yourselves it doesn't help trust me.

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I went back in for my auditions and Alice was up first. She sings beautifully. It was my turn next and I had chosen the song hold on which for perfectly for the day because today was Pam's birthday. I had my gift for her in my pocket. I was gonna set it on her grave. The music started playing and I start doubting myaelf. I can't do this not today. I'm slash up here so theres no going back. 

"Loving and fighting
Accusing, denying
I can't imagine a world with you gone
The joy and the chaos, the demons we're made of
I'd be so lost if you left me alone

You locked yourself in the bathroom
Lying on the floor when I break through
I pull you in to feel your heartbeat
Can you hear me screaming "Please don't leave me"

I could feel my voice wavering but I held together. It reminded me so much of how that day happened.

"Hold on, I still want you
Come back, I still need you
Let me take your hand, I'll make it right
I swear to love you all my life
Hold on, I still need you

A long endless highway, you're silent beside me
Drivin' a nightmare I can't escape from
Helplessly praying, the light isn't fadin'
Hiding the shock and the chill in my bones"

My voice was getting worse now and I could feel tears trying to form but I stopped them and closed my eyes to continue. You have to stay strong and emotionless. This next part was going to be harder.

 "They took you away on a table
I pace back and forth as you lay still
They pull you in to feel your heartbeat
Can you hear me screaming, "Please don't leave me"

Hold on, I still want you
Come back, I still need you
Let me take your hand, I'll make it right
I swear to love you all my life
Hold on, I still need you

I don't wanna let go
I know I'm not that strong
I just wanna hear you
Saying baby, let's go home
Let's go home
Yeah, I just wanna take you home

Hold on, I still want you
Come back, I still need you"

I waited till the music stopped and left immedietly. I went to my car and lot up a coverage and broke down. I couldn't tAke it. I went in to my glove box and grabbed my knife and slot along my arm from my shoulder to my elbow. I then cut part of my wrist and my neck. 

"I'm so sorry pam. I couldn't save you and its all my fault. I shouldn't have left you but I did. Everyone's right it's all my fault."

I for red myself and went back inside when I made sure my cuts weren't showing. To be honest I liked the pain. When I walked in I was bombarded with questions from my family. 

 " Are you okay, I'm so sorry you had to be here today, "

I thanked them and watched the rest of the show. I'm not going to lie it was boring. When the ending was over some kid named Jake said there was a party at his place such led to a lot of screaming. It gave me a headache. We all know I'm going there to drink my troubles away tonight. 

TIME SKIP

I show up to the party in my normal clothes and walk in. The music and everything stops. 

 "Lets get this party started bitches."

 And we do. I make my way to the drinks pulling off clingy girls. I grab whatever I see and down it. I look up and see Alice getting partially dragged up the stairs nd I can hear a faint wimpering. 

"I'm not ready steven."

As soon as I heard that I started going after them. I got to the stairs in time to see which room he went in. 

" listen Alice I think it's time we move forward in our relationship. "

I opened the door. The idiot didn't lock the door. He was kissing her neck and holding her down. I yanked him off of her and he grunted in pain as he hit the floor. 

Alice s pic

Blair looked so hurt when she was singing up there. I also noticed her voice waver a little. she then left and didn't come back for a while. I saw her at the party to and she was gulping every drink she touched. I was already drunk and steven was bringing me to a bedroom. I didn't want what was about to happen to happen so I tried to get away. 

"Alice baby I think it is time you know we've been dating for a while and I have needs."

he took me in to a bedroom and was kissing me while holding my arms and legs down. He was quickly yanked off of me and I looked to see it was Blair before I passed out.

Blair's pov

I didn't even think twice before I started punching him. We were going at it and we fell down the stairs and everything and everyone stopped to watch what was happening. I kept punching him and eventually he passed out but I still didn't stop. I couldn't. I was soon yanked off of him and put to the side. I ran back up the stairs to see Alice peacefully sleeping. I picked her up bridal style and walked down the stairs with her. I put her in my car even though I was slightly buzzed and brought her to my house and in my bed. I left her that with a note and some aspirin as I went to visit pam.