those who play with fire, are bound to get burned.

smiles and looks

it felt odd. jungkook laid on his bed after dropping his luggage on the floor. the mere thought of taehyung yanking his hand back and having a look of discontent and anger, it made jungkook feel wondrous. there are questions lingering in his head, on the tip of his tongue if he dared ask. he leaned his head back against the bed frame and sighed, the house was too quiet to his liking. he had grown up with siblings that had obliterated the word 'quiet' out of their minds.

now sitting here in a house that felt nothing like home, felt suffocating. the spacious area around jungkook felt so small, the room was filled with silence. the mere sound of jungkooks breathing being the only sound in the room, it was deafening. within another second passing, he had gotten up, whooshed out his room and stood quietly in-front of taehyungs.

his hand lingered on the door, contemplating knocking or simply leaving him be. after his internal dilemma, he mustered all his confidence and knocked. behind the door jungkook could hear taehyung sighing as he walked towards the door.

the door opens to a not-so-impressed taehyung, "what do you want?" he asks. jungkooks confidence immediately left his body, he regretted the fact he even left his room. "um, i am hungry and kinda was hoping you'd eat something with me?" jungkook asks in a tone that sounds more of a question than a statement. taehyung quirks his eyebrows and looks at his watch, it was in fact dinner time. "oh well, that's a good idea i suppose."

and with that they both walk downstairs, into the kitchen. jungkook stares at taehyung walking around pulling out pots and chopping boards, "what are you making?" he asks as his eyes shifted to look around the kitchen, it was way bigger than his. "stir fry noodles, if you're okay with that?" taehyung asks as he chops the spring onion finely. "i love stir fry. i can help if you want." jungkook speaks as his sudden gaze on taehyungs hand lingers.

"ah, well. boil the noodles will you, left cabinet, bottom shelf." and with that they both work away in silence, it was peaceful silence. the atmosphere was comforting to say the least.

after a while jungkook speaks up, "taehyung do you work in your fathers business too?" upon hearing the question, taehyung stops cutting for a second. but continues as he replies, "business does not interest me jungkook, it would be rather silly working without passion."

jungkook smiles to himself at the response, it was true. working without passion is simply dreadful, it can easily be compared to life. some choose to stay alive, while other's choose to live. "i admire your bravery, it must've been hard convincing your father you didn't want to continue his work." jungkook says as he checks the noodles. taehyung scoffs under his breath. "if it were easy, i would be in france right now."

jungkook turns around and walks towards taehyung, choosing to stand beside him. "how do you mean?" he asks. taehyung sighs, placing the knife down and turning to jungkook, the space between them screams. "look jungkook, i will put it straight. i love art, i am practically drawn to every painting i see. i applied to an art school in france and was successful." taehyung begins, jungkook eyes stare into taehyungs. as though he was searching for the answer in his eyes. "but father did not agree, i was already a burden enough when i declined to work with him. i suppose, i shattered his dream of having an heir in the ceo seat. he shattered mine."

jungkook could hear the strain in taehyungs voice, the way he finished his sentence and went straight back to cutting the vegetables. he was staying alive, he wasn't living. jungkook found it unfair, how taehyung has such a passion for art, the way his eyes lit up when speaking upon the subject was enough to express his love for it. jungkook saw his eyes sparkle at the mention of art but the sparkles diminished when taehyung spoke of his fathers actions. it wasn't fair, how life is supposed to be lived. life is supposed to be enjoyed. yet taehyung, stands, chopping away. in a house where even if you screamed your heart out, the silence will always overweigh it.

as few minutes pass in silence, the boys sat quietly at the dining table, eating away.

"what if you run away" jungkook suggests as he swallows a bite. "you know, pack your bags and just go." taehyung wants to laugh, he really does. but simply taehyung responds, "jungkook, you must not underestimate my father." and with that he ends the topic and silence fills the room again.

-

dear diary,
the boy has left the thought of art into my mind once again. i admire his bravery, his curiosity. but i truly do admire the fact he chose not to judge, but to listen. he made a snarky remark on running away, he mustn't know of my failed attempts to do so. father was awfully cruel when he had found me, barely 10 miles away from home. dragged home, and shoved into my room. scars that fade but still ache. the stomach that once screamed for food now filled, yet feels so empty. father is cruel. and always will be. and once again, i miss mother.

~ kim taehyung, 30th August 2015.

-

after eating, and spending a short time in their rooms to rest. the two boys choose to take a walk down the streets. this decision was made impulsively on jungkooks constant nagging taehyung to show him around town.

as the sunsets the two boys walk together.

"so taehyung" jungkook begins, while taehyung groans. "let's play 21 questions" another groan. "why do you suggest such ideas" taehyung says as he turns to look at jungkook who was already looking his way. "because it's fun, now please. for me?" he asks, and upon seeing jungkooks doe eyes sparkle, taehyung gave in.

jungkook possibly shrieks in excitement, "okay okay let me think oh my god. have you ever dated?" typical question, but for taehyung, jungkook pulled at his heart strings. opened up a wound that took years to heal. "yes, i did once." he begins, "have you?"

"plenty of times" jungkook replies, "now when were you the happiest in life" jungkook knew what he was doing, he was trying to dig into taehyung and he was barely scraping the top. taehyung was lost in thoughts, times he was in pain are countless, yet his times of happiness are limited. "well i suppose, when mother read me stories whenever i had trouble sleeping." taehyung smiles at the memory, it was a sweet memory. he was always fond of his mother, in attempts of spending more time with her. he would lie about his sleeping problems, just to hear her voice more. just to be close with her. just to be with her. he misses her more than anything.

taehyung thinks for a second before asking his question, "you said you dated plenty of times, may i ask have you ever been in love?" this question made jungkook stop in his tracks, he looks down. "no, and i am not interested in falling in love. it's stupid anyways." and with that he decides to end the game and walks back home with a curious taehyung walking behind him.

taehyung was fascinated by love while on the other hand jungkook loathed it. love made some powerful, others powerless.

-

dear diary,
older taehyung, promise me you will never fall in love again.

~kim taehyung, 12 June 2013.