The Gay

CHAPTER 22 PSYCHOLOGICAL TALK

Samuel POV

"Antonio ikaw muna ang mag manage at mag tanggap ng mga meeting, tell to Mr. Claes that your my subtitute" i remind to antonio and he just salute

"Have fun on mental" ngiti niya saakin ng papalabas na ako, i just raised my middle finger and he just laugh

"Idiot don't bring any men into my office" sigaw ko bago ko maisara ang pintoan

"Now off to psychologist" i whispered to myself at pumunta na sa building ni Reika

"Atlast!, and baliw sa lahat ng baliw ay hinihintay ko ay pumunta na!" Masayang sigaw ni reika at itinaas ko lang ang daliri ko sakanya

"Woah, and i thought you were a good gay" she said and smirked

"Shut up reika i have a problem, please help me to clear my mind" i said and i saw her face turned into serious one

"So what is your problem Mr. Krulim?" She said with her business tone

"I always have this kind of problem when it come's to my mental" i said and she raised her eyebrow

"And what is that?" She said

"Whenever i get to hold a girl, there's always a voice shouting at me that Im disgusting" i said and bow

"Oh, and you feel disgusted too?" Shw asked and i just nod

"Did you heard the voice girl somewhere?" She asked

"I-I can't remember" i said, and she sighed

"But ever since i heard that girl voice somewhere, its like a broke tape telling to me that I'm disgusting and when i became 17 years old that where i thought that I'm a gay, and that girl's voice said that abs is better than a girls body and i thought that it will be gone but I guess its not" i explained and she just nod

She didn't tell anything

"But let me get you straight samuel, please do remember where you heard that girls voice" she said

"I told you it's right here" i half shout while pointing my head

"Yes i know, but isn't it familiar like that?" She asked, and that make me stop

Nineteen years ago i remember that i meet a girl, and that girl, she's my type

Im at my grandma's acienda and thag girl is my grandma's friend daughter

And when i get to know her, i told her that i liked her but she reject me, it makes me sad and scared, yes scared, very scared when i saw her cold and disgusted eye

"I liked you" the nine year old me said

"Wala akong gusto sayo!" She said with her cold eye

"B-But i do like you" the nine year old me started to cry

"Yuck nag kakagusto sa babae" she said with her disgusted eye, and that makes me very very scared

"But i can't help it, im a boy, i get attract into girl" i explain

"Mas maganda parin ang abs" she said at nilabas ang picture ng isang lalaking naka topeless

The nine years old me, agree on what her said, ever since then she always come to hacienda with here topeless boy picture, and act as if im interested

And that makes me very very sad

"So that's the story huh?" She smirked

"So?, whats the point?" I asked and she sighed

"Can't you see? , your not a gay samuel, your just trap into that word, as if that word control your mind, but not your body!" She said, makes me gasped

"N-No" i said and he hold my hand

"No, listen to me samuel,.your not a gay, your just in trauma, at kagaya nga ng sinabi mo nag simula na siyang mag dala dala ng mga picture, which is naga act ka na interesado ka kahit hindi naman, samuel nadala mo yun hanggang sa lumaki ka, nag lala ang kalagayan mo to the point na hindi mo na napigilan at nasabi mong bakla ka!" She said with her low tone voice

Im in trauma?, I'm not a gay?, I'm confused, scared and i don't know what to do

"But i had my first boyfriend, and why do i got scared when im thinking that i might lose him huh!?, hoe can you explain that!?" I shouted but she remain calm, talk about psychologist

"Did you had a sex with him?, yoy feel fantastic?" She asked and i jist massage my head

I didn't had sex with him, and everytime he get closer to me, i feel disgusted! I feel nothing

"I didn't, we never had s-" she cut my words

"Is your boyfriend is a long time best friend or anything?" She asked

"My crush, but he rejected me and said that we should be friend and the i agree" i explained she smiled, she's a psycho

"B-But what's the p-point?".i asked

"Thats the point, Mr. Gay, your not afraid of losing your boyfriend, your afraid of losing a friend" she said and i feel numb

Of all my life, i feel like my life is playing at me!

"T-Then, w-what should I do?" I asked her

"Samuel come here everyday at 5 pm, well do a session about removing that voice inside of your head, We will remove it ok?" She said and smile at me gently

Yuck nagkakagusto sa babae

"There it is again" i said and hold my head

"Just let it be Samuel" she said and i just nod,

Finally all of my mystery has been solved but not the voice in my head

"Im happy that you accept it wholeheartedly about your situation" she said

"Yeah, whats the point of denying it?, after all im talking to a professional" i joked and she just laughed

"So anong  nag tulak sayo na pumunta dito?, Im sure it take a whole bunch of people trying to convince you to come here" i shaked my head because of what she said

"All i need is just a one bitch" i smiled when i saw a flash of kellens face

"Oh, looks like someone's inlove" she joke and i smiled

"I want your advice also about love, tell me am i in love when, i feel happy when that person is smiling?, i feel like my heart is leaping out of my chest when that person touch me?, tell me is it possible that  someone's smile could be so dazzling?, tell me that am i inlove if that person's is always on my mind?" I asked and she smirked

"And your thinking about that person while asking me like that?, well i must say your possibly falling or In love" i smiled, i almost wanted to cry

I'm In Love, a gay like me could love