Bleak

This Poem Didn't Start About You**

How can I be happy in a world so broken.
How can I be sad in a world so fixed.
But honestly I just feel like shit.

Upbeat music doesn't help.
And you just make it worse.
Why can't you just go away and leave my heart alone.

I don't want to stay here.
But I sure as hell don't want to go home.
Might as well surround myself in happy people,
And pretend I'm okay.

Your smiles make it better.
But they aren't a cure.
They're like pain killers,
They wear off.

Sometimes I wish I was happy like them.
But honestly I push everyone away.
I don't deserve anyone anyway.

I'll just sit here and feel sorry for myself.
And watch all these people walk by.
The only one who can help me is me,
And I'm not ready to try.

I'll think about you and I'll be happy.
But then I'll realize you'll never care.
So I turn away and I plaster on a fake smile.

I'll wear my smile for days.
Until this sad spell passed.
The funny thing is you'll never know.

I'll hide in my books.
And I'll watch good tv.
And I'll drift away with the smoke.

Sometimes I wish I was blind, so I never would have seen you.
Sometimes I wish I was deaf, so I never would have heard tour voice.
Sometimes I wish I was stupid, so I would have missed how good you really are.
To stupid to know what I missed.

Honestly I can't believe that I'm stuck here.
I should be strong enough to forget you.
But when I think of you I can't breath.

The best part is this poem didn't start about you.