QUEENPIN.

not yet.

israel's perspective.

I fucked up. Only a few days into a relationship and I fucked up already. I didn't fuck the girl, I just let her give me head but it's still wrong. I just wish Jaleah would give it up already, then maybe I wouldn't be tempted. But, still, I know I'm wrong and I can't blame her. I can't believe that we've been together less than a week and I already fucked up. This is why I don't do relationships.

The only thing I know is that I can't tell Jaleah. I love her, she makes me a better man, so I can't lose her. I don't care if it takes me marrying the girl tomorrow, I know I can't lose her. I just gotta do better so that she wouldn't even think about leaving me, even if she did find out. If she loves me enough, she'll go through hell and back with me.

I come to the conclusion that if I want Jaleah to fall for me even more, enough to put up with my bullshit, I gotta do all the romantic stuff she likes. She loved her birthday weekend so I have to do more stuff like that. Thoughtful gifts, random bouquets, extravagant surprises; you know, the works. So, I'm bringing her a bouquet of flowers to her job, since she's too busy to go out for dinner today.

As I'm leaving my car, I run into Tory, who seems to have an attitude. "What you doing with those?" She asks, beginning to walk beside me.

"I'm bringing Jaleah some flowers because, you know, that's my girlfriend." I roll my eyes, I don't like Tory that much but I know how much she means to Jaleah. She just be in everybody else's business too much and I can't stand it. Plus she's always loud and rowdy.

"What you fucked up again?" Tory asks, standing in front of me and crossing her arms, stopping me from walking.

"What you mean, again?" I suck my teeth.

"So you did fuck up? I should've known, you love fucking every random bitch on campus you come across."

"I ain't fuck you." I walk around her.

"That's cause I never would let you. But anyway, I know about you messing around with my roommates friend right before you got with Jaleah. And I take it you must've fooled around with someone else AFTER you already had a girlfriend, who happens to be my god sister. Explain to me why I shouldn't tell her?"

"Cause why would you wanna break her heart like that?" We stop walking again.

"Me? I'm not the one already cheating!"

"Ok, look. I fucked up but that don't mean I don't love her. I'm not used to having a girlfriend or being loyal to one person. I'm used to doing me so it's gon take me some getting used to. Just promise you won't say shit, and I promise I won't do it again. Deal?"

She looks as if she's thinking for a second, then she gives me a weird smirk. "Fine, I won't say anything." She turns on her heels and walks off. I just know she's up to something.

I walk into Jaleah's job at the campus bookstore and find her helping a customer find a textbook. Once the customer leaves, I sneak up behind her and scare her, making her jump. "I missed you." I tell her.

"You almost scared me half to death." She giggles. "I missed you too. Are those for me?" She asks.

"Who else would they be for?" I smile, giving her the flowers.

She smells them and smiles beautifully. "I love them."

"I love you." I tell her, making her blush.

"I get off in 5 minutes if you wanna stick around. I have late classes tomorrow so we can hang out tonight since I don't have to be up too early."

"Ok, Ima go to my car and smoke. I'll pull up outside."

"Ok."

I kiss her on the cheek before walking out of the bookstore. I get in my car and pull up right in front of the bookstore, then sit and smoke while I wait on her. After a few minutes, she comes outside, flowers in hand, and gets in the car with me.

She fans in front of her face, "You couldn't roll down a window?" She asks, scrunching up her face.

"My bad babe." I roll the front windows down. "What you wanna do?" I ask her.

"Doesn't matter to me. I'm all caught up on homework, I have no tests to study for this week, I'm free for the night. We can just chill at your house and watch some movies or something."

"How about we go to the studio? I gotta finish up this song so I can drop something. I'll get you some food so you can just relax while I get some work done. Then, if you're up for it, you can stay the night with me."

"Ok."

———————

jaleah's perspective.

I lay on the couch in the studio, watching Israel do his thing. I love seeing him like this, in the zone and really doing something he loves. Sometimes, it feels like all that he does is sell drugs and try to spend every free minute he has with me but seeing him focused like this puts me in awe. I love someone who is ambitious, I'm learning.

After his studio session, he takes me back to his house. By the time we get there, his grandparents are already in bed and asleep. I haven't really gotten the chance to meet them yet, which sucks, but I know it'll happen in due time. His schedule just always seems to be opposite of theirs.

We go up to his room and he changes into something more comfortable, and gives me one of his t shirts to sleep in. I quickly change and climb into bed next to Israel. He pulls me in closer to him to cuddle.

He puts on a movie and gets more comfortable, but sooner or later, somehow, we start kissing. He starts grabbing my thighs and rubbing on me, and eventually moves on to grabbing my boobs. The combination of him kissing me and grabbing me gives me this tingly feeling down there, which I've never felt before. I love it.

His hand starts traveling from my boobs down further. He somehow manages to slip them into my underwear and slowly begins rubbing my vagina. It feels so good that I don't want him to stop. He then starts to rub on my clit, which feels even more amazing. I even moaned a few times while we kissed.

He tries putting a finger in me, making me gasp and pull away.

"What's wrong?" Israel asks, confused.

"I'm not ready, Izzy. You know that."

"I just got carried away, that's all. You were letting me do so much I thought you were at least ready for that."

"Well I'm not."

I don't know what it is or why I can't open up to Israel sexually. I love him, I really do, but something is holding me back from losing my virginity to him. I want to, and I know when I'm ready I will, but it's just too much for me right now.

"Is this why you wanted me to stay over?" I question him. Maybe that's why I can't open myself up fully, because I know he only wants one thing deep down inside.

"What? No Jaleah. I love you. I'll wait for you. I just thought you wanted me to do it."

"I don't." I respond. I lay down, faced away from him. He tries wrapping his arm around me but I shake it off. What's wrong with me?