ENTRIES

Mathew

People say that 'opposites attract'. I never believed it till I met Mathew. Ok now, for the record I don't completely believe it. My theory is that opposites attract, and then the attraction runs out. Anyway me and Mathew were pole opposites. We were different in almost every single aspect, but we still hit it off. Initially that was the best thing about us. I had things to discover about him. Getting to know him felt like an adventure. It was exciting. Mathew was the best guy I had ever been with. He was considerate, gentle, and he really cared about me. But he was not a great talker. This may have been okay if talking was not so important to me. I talked a lot. Talking was my most favorite thing to do. Everything in my life happened through talking . Well, everything except Mathew.

Initially it was okay. I talked and he listened. He would later text me and fill me up with the things that he wanted to say. I really didn't get why he preferred texting to talking. And that became the root cause of our problems. We talked rarely and texted mostly. Things remained unclear between us. And then Jason happened. No matter how much I tried to stop it, my feelings for Jason had definitely started to grow. I talked to Mathew about Jason. All he told me was

"It is your decision to make. Think and decide. This is about what you want"

I would have hated him if he had pushed me to take a decision. But I was in more of a dilemma. I really didn't know what to do. I week or so later I texted Mathew.

You: Mathew.

Mathew:  yeah

You: I really wanted to tell you something.

Mathew: go ahead.

You: This doesn't feel real anymore. You and me.

Mathew: What do you mean?

Mathew: Are you trynna breakup?

You: No I'm not.

I really wanted to give both of us a chance. I definitely liked Mathew a lot. We had to try and fix our problems.

You: I just wanted to tell you that it feels like my phone is in a relationship with your phone.

Mathew: Now what's that supposed to mean?

You: Are we never gonna speak. Is it always gonna be texting ?

You: because things don't happen that way.

You: We need to try and fix this

Mathew: So you feel like we are doing a long distance relationship.

You: Yeah. The thing is that we are in a normal relationship. It shouldn't be this way.

Mathew: So we are gonna try and fix this?

You: Yeah, we are gonna try.

Mathew: Okay.

You: Whatever happens we are gonna stay friends ok?

You: Because I don't want our friendship circle to break because of us.

Mathew: I know. We will surely stay friends. Can't lose my best friend and girlfriend .

Mathew: You know that I love you right?

You: I know.

For the next few weeks we tried. I texted him daily. He tried to talk more. But everything seemed forced. It didn't come naturally, like it should have. A month later things didn't seem working and we both could see it.

You: Hey, are you here yet?

Mathew: Will be there in 5 min.

You: Okay.

A little while later, I saw him walking towards me.

"Hi" I said

"Hey".

"Mathew- I began.

"I know what you are going to say. Please don't say it" he said , cutting me off.

" I know . I don't want to. But we both know that this is not working" my heart ached as I spoke.

"I understand. It... It is just that I love you so much. I know we can't fix this. But I wish ....".

"I wish we had been able to make it" I said.

"Yeah I know"

"So we are over" my voice broke.

"I'll miss you so much"

"I know, me too"

"Come here" he opened his arms.

We held each other tight as we cried together.

"We are always gonna have each other" I told him.

"We are gonna be okay" he said, kissing me for one last time.

Yes, it hurt so much. But dragging the relationship further would have just hurt more. We were right to end it when we did. I went home and cried myself to sleep. And then I woke up and cried some more.