The Strive For Perfection

Chapter 1.

I hate this... I can't stand this. I have never thought that I would have ever turned into the girl that I am now. I remember just a few weeks ago, I was never like this. I was almost the complete opposite. But it's surprising how fast things can change within a short period of time, and I know this first hand. Everything has been changing right before my eyes. I have changed, I think that I'm changing everyone around me. I guess that's what happens when something drastically changes. It changes, and you're changed along with it. The thought kills me. Things won't ever be the same as it was before. That's the only thing that I really want right now. I want to go back in my memories, I want to recapture all of those feelings and I want to go back to when I was happy. But that's the thing about memories... They're never the same. You can never go back in time, you can't just go relieve a time that's long gone. It's sad, painful, and irritating. But here I am, sitting on the bathroom floor in my highschool. I have to get out of here within 10 minutes. I have to finish this... I might as well just get it over with.

I quickly re-tie my hair, and finish this again. I take my 2 fingers, and I shove them down my throat so I trigger the gag-reflex and throw-up my breakfast. My mom was getting worried about me, so I had to eat breakfast. I never thought that I would ever sink so low that I had to do this in the school bathroom. Let alone, I've sunk so low that I relapsed with my 3 months free cutting, and I've started throwing-up and starving. I'm pathetic. 

I know that I don't have a lot of time, so I clean-up, flush the toilet, and slowly open the bathroom stall. I walk towards the sink, trying to avoid the mirror. I wash my hands, but it's no use. I have flashbacks of the previous times and how horrible I've looked afterwards. I slowly look up, and I have never been more ashamed of myself. My eyes are wet, red, and bloodshot. My hair is a complete mess. But none of that matters... I'm still not skinny enough for their approval. But I feel even worse. I haven't ever felt so low, so bad and pathetic in my life. This hasn't got me very far. I will admit that I have been losing weight, but I've also been losing so much self-respect. It's not like I had much, but it's completely gone now.

I look at my phone to check the time. The bell is going to ring in about 2 minutes. This is my story of how I have sunk so low, and how I'm still sinking. My name is Amelia Jones. I am Ana, and I am Mia. Welcome to my life of anorexia and bulimia.