Why Her? (13 Reasons Why)

Chapter 14

"Ai orele numărate"

[Vanessa Baker's POV]

It's the fifth day of the trial, and so is Ryan's turn to testify. I didn't know him that much, but it wasn't that I wanted him around anyways. He was the only gay boy who knew his worth and potential and was proud of it. But it didn't matter, I guess because I don't have to anymore... because soon I would testify and I could get out of all this.

"I'm very nervous, Vanessa," Zach arrived at my locker, "I have to testify tomorrow. I don't know what they are going to ask me-"

"Wait," I closed the door sharply. "Wasn't it in a few days?"

"That's what they said five days ago, Nessie. It's my turn tomorrow, where have you been?"

"Talking to Clay, hanging out with you and Jess, working..."

"It's not that, I mean ... in your head."

"My head?" I buffed and got nervous. "Nothing's wrong with me, darling. I'm just a little out of my feelings."

"Why? Sometimes you are lonely in your head and you separate from me as if nothing happened. Is there something you haven't told me?"

Well, um... That I am Hannah Baker's sister?

"Nothing," I smiled falsely, "Do you want me to accompany you tomorrow? To make you feel more secure."

"It would be the best," he kissed me on the lips, "Thank you very much, Ness."

"You're welcome, darling," and he left.

I opened my locker again and stared at the little journal I'd been writing since I got on the plane that sour day. I grabbed it and closed my locker. I hurriedly walked off campus and went to Monet's. I ordered my typical American triple, picked it up and sat away from everyone. I took out a pen and began to write.

"Dear Diary:
I remember the first time I began to write on these pages. First of all, because of the years I had been away from my sister. Second, every time Flynn hit me and third, because of the thirst for revenge he had for the death of my beloved Banana. I don't know how I got to behave like the popular kids at Liberty, but I can't stand it anymore. And I know why.
I have fallen deeply in love with Zachary Shan-Yung Dempsey, who after my statement I know that he is going to hate me. I never told him about my relationship to Hannah, nor about my true self. This is eating away at me. I know that every time I cry at night in silence it relieves me a little, but not entirely. I started this new life based on a lie and I want to finish it.
That is why I will ask so that you can expedite my testimony. I can't let Zachy continue to think I'm the love of his life if he thinks I'm Vanessa Balan. I think it would be better if I got away from him once and for all ..."

A drop of my tears fell on the pages. I began, as always, to cry silently. The pain I felt as I remembered all the moments I spent with Zach, Alex, Clay and Jess. I still kept writing on the pages of my diary.

"This is not something I would have wanted to do, but I suppose it will be the best thing for everyone. If Flynn finds me, I am 100% sure that he will annihilate. If something happens to me because of him, I will thank him. I think. If I was dead instead of Hannah, none of this would have happened."

I closed the notebook and walked with my cup of coffee to the exit, returned to the high school for cheerleading practice. Chloe looked at me and ran to me.