Dear Diary

Chapter 1

September 1st 2006

Dear Diary,

It's the anniversary of the worst year of my life. You know I was supposed to be Veronica Dean and instead I'm Veronica. Mom of Mackenzie. I know I shouldn't say this but I always wanted to know what would've happened. Would J.D. end up like his dad? Or would he have been better? I guess I'll never know. Anyways today is Jenny's first day of senior year. Yay! I just hope hers is better than mine.

"Mom! Where are the keys? I'm going to be late!" "They should be on the table!" "Oh yeah! Ok bye!"

It's been 17 years since my senior year and can I just say wow! I found out I was pregnant with Jenny Christmas from my senior year. I was so lost and my parents didn't help much, but that's life I guess. I named her Mackenzie Jean Sawyer. Jean for J.D. and Mackenzie for Heather Mac. She was there for me through everything and I felt bad for being responsible for his death. I wanted to name her Jenny Claire for both J.D. and Heather Chandler, but my therapist told me that that wasn't the best idea. To say that I felt guilty is an understatement. It's still crazy to me how much I miss them both though. I mean come on a psychopath and a dictator, but watching both them die was horrible. So much so that my fish's names were Ram and Kurt. But then I discover Kurt was a girl and then they both died by jumping out of the bowl. How ironic right?!

Anyways I'm off to Martha's. She got married about three years after highschool and I was the maid of honor. It was a sweet ceremony with only about 50 people, but it was very Martha. About 6 months after that they found out that they were having Chandler. Now Martha named him that because she thought it was cute. She didn't even realize that it was Heather's name until after all the papers were signed. She cried for a week after.

Chandler starts his first day in highschool and Martha isn't taking it well. She text me to ask if I could come over and watch 'The Princess Bride' for the 7 millionth time and of course I said yes. Even though I have a job and a kid to feed.

As I walked towards Martha's, I saw the place where a house used to be and I stared at it. J.D.'s death was marked as a suicide. I remember feeling lost when I went to his funeral. The only people there were my parents, his dad, me, and Martha, who was only there for moral support. I remember that I locked myself in my room for days after crying. I couldn't believe that I lost yet another person. I never learned to love after him and maybe it was the fear of falling in love, or maybe it was hope that he would come back. I don't know.

As I come out of my haze of words I look out to see a strange figure standing in the rubble of the house that once was here. (Big Dean blew it up after J.D. died and then he left Ohio) He turns around and makes direct eye contact with me and I nearly faint...