My Heart Is At Sea ☆

1 | Hate is a strong word

What are your last three words when you die? Most people would say 'I love you' or something beautiful. I didn't think mine would be the opposite.
I hate you.

The rough winds lift up my hair wildly as I stomp off into the pier.
Blake follows me.
Five minutes ago we were talking at my house until he brought up an embarrassing moment in front of his friends. Now I just stormed out of my house.

'Blake you idiot', I yell.

'How am I supposed to know if that embarrassed you', he smirks.

'I told you to never bring that up Blake. How can I trust you!', I scream and grip into the metal pole of the pier.

'You always have to embarrass me or make me feel horrible', I add in.

'Cara shut up, you are going to wake everyone up', Blake says as he checks his watch.

1am.

'I don't give a shit!'.

The timber deck creaks as I stomp toward the edge. 'You are my boyfriend. You should know how to treat me right. You do the same thing EVERY time', I yell.

'Shut up your stupid bitch', he says and slaps me across the face.
My cheeks sting and I'm filled with rage.
'No. I'm not going to shut up. You need to get your head straight Blake. I love you but you have to quit being such a dick', I plead.
'Your my boyfriend Blake', I repeat and a single tear runs down my red cheek.

'You're wrong. I was your boyfriend', he says and storms off to the edge of the pier.

Ouch. So I'm officially single. He does this Everytime until I come crawling to him but despite the multiple slaps to the face and hurtful comments, I love Blake. I want to marry him on this beach one day. Everything has to work out.

The light of the moon shines across his face, making his jawline and eyes stand out.
He is so beautiful.

I walk toward him.

'Besides, I didn't even love you, I hate your ugly face. You're boring and a prude', he smirks.

I just stand there feeling guilty. Salty water crashes against the edge of the rotting wood. I have never felt so heartbroken. He's called me words but to hear him say that he never loves me, shocks me the most. I clench my teeth and try to breathe, hoping to be calm like the ocean.

'Blake you stupid mother fucker! I love you so much, don't you know!', I yell and punch his chest. Though it doesn't hurt him and his stronger than me, his anger grows stronger.

He was just so goofy and fantastic mostly. How could he have not loved me all that time? The thought makes me want to vomit. The date at the carnival, movie night, festivals and kisses, that was all fake. He treated me like a piece of shit.

I realized that this was the same spot on the beach that Blake and I got together. I remember I was standing here by myself, admiring the view when suddenly a beautiful golden brown haired boy came and talked to me. It was so magical for the past four months but his need to control starting getting crazy.
Now this was the same spot where told me that he didn't love me anymore. What I didn't know was that this was the same place that, I die.

'Get lost you ugly bitch! I hate you go die!', he bursts and pushes me. I stagger back by the force and the frail old timber of the railing cracks by my weight. I scream and I fall into the ocean. I can swim well but the currants are too strong. I choke and manage to make my way up. Blake has his back turned on me and just walks casually back to the land. 'Blake, ple-spuh, please helll-p', I cough up but it's too late. 'I hate you!', I scream from the top of my lungs as he just walks away. My heart is shattered into a trillion pieces as I just see him walk away.

Waves lash out on top of me and I cough and sputter. Maybe it's okay to die like this. Besides, It might not hurt as much as I'm hurting right now. It feels like the best thing to do and I'm tired of everything. I'm so tired of not having a voice. To follow people and so exhausted of running back. I think back to my perfect family as a huge wave crashes on top of me. Maybe I don't want to die. Not like this.
But then, its too late.

The ocean engulfs me in one huge splash. I'm struggling to make my way on top. I panic, I can't breath and I feel so weighed down by everything. This is it. I'm going to die. Bubbles lash out in the heartless ocean. I am wrapped in a dark blue blanket. 'Do it for your sister', I think to myself. I never give up. Ever.

But this time the ocean wins.