hopeless devotion - kaemaki

Part 1

❁// pda ; penis dick ass

anyways //❁

     She’s perfect, Maki mused, her cherry red eyes fixated on the gorgeous pianist before her. It surprised Maki that she was still able to look at someone like that; through such an untrustworthy lens. It surprised her that she could do it at all. She figured that she had lost the ability to. Yet with this girl, everything was different.
     Maki rolled her eyes at her thoughts, bringing her gaze back down to the untouched sandwich she had packed for lunch. It irritated her how cliche she was: the quiet, unpopular girl in love with the pretty blonde. But who could blame her? Kaede was the perfect person to fall in love with. For one, she was gorgeous. The way her hair the color of ichor drapes down her shoulders, curling at the ends just slightly. Or how she looks at you, like you’re the only person in the world that mattered. Maki couldn't hear anyone when Kaede looked at her. It felt like time paused, just so she could get lost in this girl’s gaze. And her music. Don’t even get her started on her music. Everyday after school Kaede would sneak into the music room and play. She usually only had an hour, but Maki knew that she would play for days on end if she could. Kaede loved music. And Maki loved hearing her music. Kaede would play Fur Elise, Can’t Help Falling in Love, Clair De Lune, Gymnopedie no.1, and I See The Light. None were Maki’s favorites ( not that she listened to many pianists or knew many songs on the piano ), but she liked them because Kaede would play them, the sounds flying around the school as Kaede’s fingers worked the keys; gliding over each of them with glorious precision.
     But once again, Maki found herself lost in her own thoughts, and lunch was nearly over. She truly did hate feeling like this. People may say that being in love is wonderful, but Maki constantly felt like she was being tortured. 
     Especially when she saw Kaede walking hand in hand with him.
     Shuichi Saihara and Kaede Akamatsu had been dating for about two months now, and Maki still hasn’t fully processed this. It still feels too… off. Too unnatural. Kaede and Shuichi had nothing in common, from what Maki knew. But she supposed that she didn’t have much in common with Kaede, either. Though she ignored those thoughts. They made her angry.
Sometimes Maki lost herself in her jealousy. Once, she caught Kaede and Shuichi making out in the music room. She had gone there to sit outside and listen, as she usually did, but the couple seemed to have other plans. When she saw them, it felt like she was going to explode. She doesn't remember what happened afterwards. All she can recall is the roar of anger flooding her ears, the threat of tears about to flow from her blood red eyes, how her head filled with millions of questions, all of them exactly the same: why him?
     Heartbreak was the first emotion that Maki had felt in a while. Other than love, of course. But the heartbreak hit her like a rock. It was all the bad parts of being in love, which none of the good ones. Maki hated it more than she hated being in love.
     And as for the question, Maki still wasn’t sure. It had been maybe three months since she caught them, and that question was still left unanswered. That was another thing that Maki hated- the uncertainty of it all. After the initial shock set in she tried to think of positives. So she made a list of pros and cons.

     pros:
Shuichi is quiet, so maybe Kaede likes quiet people
Their relationship doesn’t seem to be working out, so they will break up
Shuichi is too negative for Kaede
Their music tastes are different
Relationships in highschool don’t usually last too long, so they will break up

     Cons:
Kaede is dating a boy
She might not even like girls
She seems really happy with him
I can’t make her that happy
Shuichi seems so happy with her

     Maki could think of more cons, she could think of a hundred more, but she refused to let herself fall down that rabbit hole. It never ended well. After letting out a heavy sigh, Maki shut her notebook and set it on her lap, looking out her bedroom window. The sky was a deep lavender, the same shade of Kaede’s eyes. Then it got lighter and lighter, until finally the sky dissolved back into the earth. As it must.
      The sight always calmed Maki down. It reminded her that everything passed. Nothing is constant. Things are always changing, for better or for worse. The sky isn’t even the color of Kaede’s eyes anymore.
     She wouldn’t be in love with Kaede forever.
     Just like how the sky won’t have the same sunset twice.

❁// uh yeah so this is the first part to it that i wrote while i was hella hungry so i hope it's fine! i read over some of it when i was making tiny revisions but not all of it, so it might be kinda weird //❁