ᴍᴏɴᴏᴛᴏɴᴇ | ɴɪsʜɪɴᴏʏᴀ ʏ.

[9]

Colors were starting to bleed into her world.

They appeared through the cracks on the ground, from the branches of the trees, and even the rain had started to take in the color of deep indigo. In her open palms sat that little crow. It stared at her with its big doe eyes as that dark and lonely forest continued take a different form, something less melancholic, something less tragic. The crow doesn't speak this time around but she found herself not minding the uncharacteristic silence. It was comforting, it was warm. It was nostalgic even, like that memory of that man who painted happily in that studio.

She watched as it spread its wings and readied itself to leave the comfort of her palms. It was truly a beautiful sight when each flap of its feathers produced small sparks of colors, like fireworks bursting into the night sky. The crow hovered above her, staring deep into her soul before turning around and flying into the deeper part of the forest, beckoning her to follow it.

The sparks created a path. They floated just above the ground, almost creating a replica of the milky way in the sky. She'd never something so beautiful before and a part of her wondered if the view beyond that dark forest was even more majestic.

Was it okay for her to see that? Was it okay for her to walk that path? To take a step and follow that little crow to wherever it was that it's leading her?

"Are you really going to leave me behind?" A voice suddenly spoke.

She turned around, only to be greeted by a sight she never expected. The same pair of eyes stared back at her, only it was younger, much, much younger. The little girl was wearing that sundress she owned long ago; a special gift from that person who she held in her heart so dearly. She wasn't crying. As a matter of fact, no emotions was displayed on her face. She was devoid of it, like how she was devoid of any colors that were not black and grey.

The girl watched in silence when the color that touched the little girl's feet turned black and died down. "Everything always disappear, don't they?" She said. "Even you. You'll leave me too." The resignation in her tone made her heart clench painfully. The little girl was already expecting her departure. She knew she was gonna end up alone and that was more painful than feeling an immense sadness over the idea.

"It's fine," the little girl continued. "I'll be fine..."

Oh, how familiar those words were. It brought back memories of her inside her dark room back in Tokyo. Her small frame curled up on the corner as she buried her face on her folded arms, in hope that it would quiet down her cries while two voices argued loudly just outside. The noise was unbearable. It felt like a nail on a chalkboard and she wished they would just stop.

The girl knows that if she takes a step forward then she would be leaving this part of her behind. Can she really do that? Can she truly be happy when she knows this younger version of her would forever stay in this forest, alone, and lonely?

"No, I can't." The girl thought as she longingly stared at the sea of colors leading her away from this little girl.

There was no way she could do that. She knows what it's like to be alone. To be trapped in that bubble of loneliness when she realized there was truly no one out there who would hear her out.

So she made up her mind. She turned her back from that pathway and started walking toward the little girl. "This is for the best," she thought. The moment that she touches her, these unnecessary colors will disappear. The deep indigo rain, the fiery red the leaves were changing in, the bright yellow form in which the ground beneath her had taken in, all of it will be gone. But if that meant this part of her would not be alone for the rest of eternity then so be it.