𝐀𝐮/𝐑𝐚 𝐢𝐦𝐚𝐠𝐢𝐧𝐞𝐬

💚stay happy💚

𝒉𝒂𝒑𝒑𝒚
/ ˈ𝑯ɛ𝒑𝒊 /
𝑨𝒅𝒋𝒆𝒄𝒕𝒊𝒗𝒆 𝒄𝒐𝒍𝒍𝒐𝒒𝒖𝒊𝒂𝒍
𝒉𝒂𝒑𝒑𝒚, 𝒗𝒆𝒓𝒚 𝒔𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒔𝒇𝒊𝒆𝒅, 𝒊𝒏 𝒂 𝒈𝒐𝒐𝒅 𝒎𝒐𝒐𝒅

𝑺𝒂𝒅
/𝑺𝒂𝒅/
𝒂𝒅𝒋𝒆𝒄𝒕𝒊𝒗𝒆
1.
𝒇𝒊𝒍𝒍𝒆𝒅 𝒘𝒊𝒕𝒉 𝒔𝒂𝒅𝒏𝒆𝒔𝒔
2.
𝑪𝒂𝒖𝒔𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒈𝒓𝒊𝒆𝒇, 𝒈𝒓𝒊𝒆𝒇, 𝒔𝒂𝒅𝒏𝒆𝒔𝒔

"And I'm somewhere in between." I sighed and closed my laptop. For weeks I've been...I don't know in a strange mood. I don't feel really happy but also not really sad. Something in between. A gray area. And it doesn't stop. I've tried a lot.
I first asked friends if they had a tip, a lifehack, how I can be happy again. But they too are at a loss and struggle with the same problems as me. However, I didn't talk to my parents about it, I don't want to burden them with it. I just hope it goes away on its own. I also read myself but it just says that it is completely normal and that every young person has this phase.
But how to get rid of this phase as quickly as possible, there was none of that. With that thought I went to bed, tomorrow the damn school will start again. As always on a Monday. And I hate Mondays.

My alarm clock woke me up with its monotonous squealing from my sleep and from the dream I had. In the dream I was at least happy and had fun. I turned off the alarm clock but stayed there. I was still too tired. So I dozed for a good 10 minutes and took my cell phone and checked the news. Then I finally got up and got ready.
"Good Morning!" my family greeted me when I walked into the kitchen. My dad read the newspaper, my mom made coffee and Leila sat and ate her cereal. I faked a smile and said good morning back. I grabbed a bun and smeared nutella on it. Lost in my thoughts I ate my nutella bun and listened up when my dad read aloud: "Young people are getting sadder and sadder. A study has shown that every fourth young person is chronically sad, or even depressed. The causes are still unclear. Many see it too only as a phase that can take different lengths of time depending on the situation." Well, please, we were back to the word; Phase. Maybe it's just because we always have to be perfect? The best grades, the best outfit, the perfect daughter and hundreds of school assignments that are a burden for us. But my dad probably disagreed: "It's probably because of the cell phone! They're on it all day!" I rolled my eyes. That was typical again. That damn cell phone is always to blame. Of course I felt a little caught out. But I still went out and did my schoolwork well. So it couldn't just be the cell phone.
I looked at the clock and realized it was time to go real.
My bus is coming in 15 minutes. I got dressed, grabbed my backpack and waved goodbye to my family, "Bye!" "Byebye Jamie!" they said back. Well then, off to hell!

I met my friend Maria on the bus. We talked and complained how heavy the backpack was, that we were holding up too much homework again and that our English teacher was again completely mean. As always. The same thing. In German we should reveal a secret of ourselves. That was kind of a game, whether we know each other as a class for. I think that's pointless but who wants to hear my opinion on it. So I just said I had fake plants in our yard. And in ethics today we talked about happiness and being happy. What an irony. With a load of new homework, I went home and studied.

My cell phone rang and startled me from doing homework. I ran down. It was Maria. "Hey Jamie, Sabrina invited us to her house party. Would you like to come with us?" I considered. Maybe I was happy again that way. "Yes, of course. When at all?" "This week on Friday at 7 p.m." She sounded a little exuberant, I noticed. I thought that was great. At least one of us is in a good mood.
We talked a bit and then we said goodbye. I said my parents that I go to a party on Friday and they only nodded. I also believe they were glad that I also went among people again. "Just not so much alcohol!" they said. Pah, as if I would drink so much.

Later in bed, I've been wondering about my current problem. Honestly, I did not want to wait until Friday that I will be happy again. So I turned on my laptop and gave in the search bar "How can I get happy again". Immediately thousands of thousands came. Patiently, I visited side by side until I came across something interresant. There was a whole list with tips and tricks like you can be "optimistic", or even in my case, can be happy. Even a bit skeptical, I read this in peace and finally decided to try a few of them tomorrow and the rest of the week. Today that would be nothing more, it is already too late. A bit more relaxed and honestly too excited I fell asleep. Hopefully that will be what.

Despite my successful search last night, I had a restless sleep and am now accordingly very tired. It ran the same routine as yesterday, like last week, last month and at all. So I was all the more excited and impatient than I finally came home. Unfortunately, I had to go to grandma and grandpa. Actually, I have no problem with that, I love my grandparents but I finally want to try these tips. So I went to grandma and grandpa with my family and I have to confess, it was great as always. Nevertheless, I was glad that I was finally at home and quickly made my homework. Quick but not necessarily right but that will be. After that I drove up my laptop and visited the stored page.

The first tip is: look into a half-full glass of water. I really don't know how that should help me but I read on first. Aha. Apparently it's supposed to be some kind of test. If you see the glass as half full then you are an optimist and if you see it as half empty then you are a pessimist. And so on. "Well if it helps." I said and got a glass and poured it halfway with water.  And what now? I looked at it. Looked at the glass for a long time. Somehow I always saw it as half full. How should it be half empty? Unless you had a full glass and you drink from it, then it's half empty...right? Wait, why am I thinking that now? Am I a pessimist now or am I not? Maybe both? I dont know. I sighed. So that doesn't help at all. What a stupid tip! I finished the glass, I didn't want to waste the precious water because of this pointless suggestion. I was done for today! Maybe I'll look at it again tomorrow.

This school day was like any other. Fortunately we didn't have so much homework today. I played the rest of the day with my little sister today. Maybe I could outsmart my brain. So I fooled my brain into thinking that I was cheerful and happy and that I had fun to play with Leila. Then it would automatically think that I am happy again and then I would be happy again. Do you understand that? Anyway, I understand it and that's enough.  Unfortunately it didn't work out, it was nice to play with my sister but it didn't help.  Frustrated, I fell on the bed. That sucked! And out of sheer anger and desperation I started to cry. Diamonds running down my cheek. I thought. At least I felt something, and that was sadness. But I didn't want to feel that emotion.  I cried myself into a dreamless sleep.

The next day I felt really bad. So I just said I wasn't feeling well and I was allowed to stay at home. It was Thursday and tomorrow was the party. If I didn't want to appear like a ghost tomorrow then I had to try again today. But one by one. I made pancakes for breakfast and then I took a bath first. Then I tidied up my room. Didn't it always mean that when you cleaned up, you also tidied up yourself, and then you feel better? At least something like that. And then I tried these tips and tricks again. So I did a little photo shoot with myself.  This is supposed to strengthen my self-confidence and thus make me happier and more optimistic. And then I looked closely at myself in the mirror. I just tried out the suggestions one by one. I took a picture of a smiling woman in my face and so on and so forth. Bid in the evening. Meanwhile, I got my homework and the missed school material sent to me. The last tip was to put on make-up. But then I lost my patience. Because all day, despite trying things out, I wasn't a bit happy. I smeared my stuff and started crying.

On Friday I went to the house party with Maria and another friend. And while others were having fun, dancing and laughing, we just sat there posted a picture with a fake grin and were on our cell phone. I gave up. We gave up.  Given up trying to be happy.