A Billion More Stars

Epilogue

"I don't think he's gonna propose." The words are out of my mouth before I can even stop them, sounding so quiet and weak. Kourtney's head whips around from where she was people watching at the coffee shop we were at and her eyes widen. "What?" She breathes out and I sigh, shaking my head. "No it's nothing. I shouldn't have even said that Kourt." She shakes her head and reaches for my hand. "But you did say it. Nini are you two okay?" I sigh again and sit back in my chair. "Ricky and I are fine. I just... he hasn't even mentioned us getting married. Like not at all. And I'm 27. I need stability soon because-" I cut myself off, my eyes widening before I shake my head. "No it's nothing. Things just aren't going as planned." I admit and she gives me a sympathetic smile. "Things go how they're supposed to though. I'm sure Ricky knows what he's doing babe. You just have to give it a little time." I frown and look down before giving her a nod. "You should move here with me, I need your advice and not all the way from Salt Lake." She laughs and shakes her head. "Nins your therapist Jen is doing an amazing job. I'm just telling you what you need to hear." I smile and she smiles back. "And look, the universe has you two planned perfectly. He's walking in right now." She points behind me and I'm greeted by Ricky walking into the coffee shop, scanning his surroundings before grinning when he meets my eyes. "You two will be just fine." She whispers to me, promising me something that I've been searching for.

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"Jesus fucking Christ Nini, that's not what I meant!" Ricky yells as he chases after me in our apartment, his hands raking through his hair in frustration as he attempts to stop me from closing our bedroom door, locking him out. "Nini stop!" He yells and my tears blur my vision as I attempt to shut him out. He's stronger than me though, and he pushes the door open hard, slamming it after he slips through the bedroom door. "You're being really fucking difficult and there's no need." I wipe at my eyes and shrink against the door. "You said I shouldn't go to therapy if I wasn't going to listen to everything Jen says because it'll just waste money on something that can't be fixed." I muster up a glare and Ricky returns my glare. "That's because you said she told you some bullshit about forgiving and forgetting. And we don't need to be spending money on-" I cut him off and wipe at my eyes harder. "I'm a financially independent woman!" I yell and he rolls his eyes. "Don't diminish the help I've offered you over the years." I scoff as the tears come faster. "Offered. Offered. EXACTLY. I've never taken you up on the offer because-" Ricky moves forward quickly and I back up against the door completely, feeling smaller as I stare at him. His eyes soften and he reaches for my wrist, holding it as loosely as he can, tugging gently so that I'd be the one to come closer to him. "If therapy isn't helping you I don't want you to have to waste money on it. Because it's money you can be using in a different area." I shrug and look at the ground. "Are you going to leave me if I don't quit therapy?" Ricky's absolutely silent and I look up to see all of the anger slipping from his expression, all the hardness in his eyes disappearing. "No." He breathes out in slight disbelief. "Fuck no. I would never leave you. Never." His voice is so soft it continues to encourage my tears. "Then why haven't you asked to marry me yet? If I do something you don't like, you can leave me so fast." My sentence sounds like a whimper, and it comes out just as quickly as it did when I was talking to Kourtney at the coffee shop just a few weeks prior. I'm horrified. Ricky's dead silent and I must everything I can to risk looking up. His eyes are wide and his body is completely tense but there's not an ounce of anger or annoyance. Just shock and slight panic. "I... I... I'm not ever gonna leave you Nini. A ring on your finger doesn't dictate that shit. I'm never leaving. You can't get rid of me, I fucking love you. You know what? Fuck it. It's just a ring." And suddenly Ricky's on his knees in front of me, grasping my hands like his life depends on it. "Nini Salazar-Roberts." My voice feels caught in my throat as he starts to speak. "You are my everything. And this might sound crazy, but I was so lost before you, every part of me felt missing and then you came into my life and your brought energy and love and healing even in my own situations. Jesus Nini, I love you more than words. You're exceptional. You're everything I strive to be, the picture of strength, and grace and perfection even through your struggles." I can barely see Ricky, I'm crying so hard. "I want to spend my life with you. But I'm just short of the amount I need to buy you a ring." As Ricky speaks, parts of our argument begin to make sense. Ricky squeezes my hands as he continues to talk. "Because of that, I've been waiting to ask if you'd like to spend your life with me as well." I cover my mouth to contain my audible cries as Ricky's own tears begin to stain his face. "Nini, baby, will you make me the happiest man on this earth and marry me? I don't have a ring yet. But I'll have one for you soon. I-" I drop to my knees and press my lips to his, wrapping my arms tightly around his neck. "God yes I'll marry you Ricky. I love you so much. I'll marry you. I'll marry you tomorrow. The ring means nothing to me. I'd marry you with a paper ring. I just want to marry you." I cry as he presses his forehead to mine, wiping at my cheeks gently. "Did you just reference a Taylor Swift song during our special moment?" His voice breaks as he smiles, his fingers trailing up and down my back. I laugh through my tears and squeeze him tighter. "Ricky I love you so much. I can't wait to spend my life with you."

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"My dress isn't closing" I whine to the room of wedding planners, Kourtney, Ashlyn and my moms, who were of course the maid of honors for my big day. My wedding had finally come, in all it's exciting glory, but it brought along fear and anxiety and worries of the future. My moms hurry over to me, Mom C placing a hand on my shoulder and Mom D moving behind me. "Don't worry baby we'll get it closed." Mom C promises me and I feel tears pressing at my eyes. I knew why it wasn't closing. My stomach was protruding more now, and I was so upset with myself for choosing a slim wedding dress all those weeks back. I knew I was growing, but I was so moved by the beauty of the dress that I had forfeited all thoughts of the baby growing in my stomach for the white gown. I had wanted to keep my pregnancy to myself as long as I could, fears invading my thoughts every time I tried to tell Ricky. And now it seemed everyone would know first, and I could tell it started with my moms. "Good lord baby, I have to ask..." I cringe as Mom D looks at me in the mirror. "I just have to ask baby, you're bigger than when you tried this on a few weeks ago. Are you-" I look down and take a deep breath. "I am" I whisper and I watch in slow motion as emotion flashes across the faces of my parents. Tears and messed up makeup appear next and it's all so lovely and so overwhelming and as my dress is finally zipped, all I want is to tell Ricky. "He's going to be ecstatic." Kourtney promises me as she comes over to the mirror I give her a look as she swings an arm around my waist. "How do you know?" I ask hopefully. She grins and pulls me into a hug. "I predicted this wedding girlie." I laugh and squeeze her shoulders. "I love you Kourt. I'm so grateful for you."

The music plays and it's my cue. It's my cue to walk down the endless aisle to the love of my life. I press my hand across my small bump protectively before squeezing my bouquet of flowers. This was it.

Ricky cries immediately. The tears run silently down his cheeks as I train my eyes on his, everything but him falling away and seeming meaningless. When I get to the alter, Ricky's hands find mine right away and he squeezes them tightly. My first thought is that he must notice my size. It was so obvious. But as his eyes raked over my body and then my face, he only grins more and presses kisses to the back of my hands. Part of me had wished he'd find out just by looking at me, but with that clearly not going to happen, I acknowledge the need to improvise and as the priest begins, I rehearse my words in my head as Ricky stares at me adoringly.

"Ricky Bowen, you have healed my heart in more ways than one." I begin quietly when it's my turn to recite my vows. Ricky's cheeks are already stained from having repeated his, and his smile is bright as I squeeze his hands. "I don't think I could've ever imagined my life in one piece again, in the time before I met you. But now I'm standing here with my whole world in my hands, staring into the eyes of the person I'm just no good without. Ricky Bowen you're the life in me, you're the love in me, you're the reason I get up and the reason I smile. And you just keep giving me more reasons to smile. Because baby, you've given us a new life." I say the words and I know half of our little audience takes my words literally because there are audible gasps and it almost feels like people have looked down to my stomach. Half of our family takes it figuratively though, only wiping at their tears that had already existed. Of course Ricky takes it figuratively because he only wipes at his tears and continues to smile. I know I have to elaborate. "Ricky I'm marrying you today, promising to be with you at your highest and lowest, to help you navigate our life together, and the life we have to live for another little human. A human that's growing inside of me." My voice breaks and Ricky looks down to my stomach, his hands flying out of mine and to my bump. "Nini. Nini are you..." hes crying now, and he's laughing and shaking his head and he's pulling me into a hug and our families and friends are clapping and cheering and Ricky's pressing kisses to my cheeks. "I love you so much. I love you so much baby, oh my god." I laugh and he wipes at his eyes before turning to the priest. "Can you marry us so I can take her out of here and do things that we shouldn't do in front of an audience?" I giggle and the priest grins, our congregation claps and I feel like I'm in a sort of heaven.

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So much is uncertain as I hold Ricky's hand, following his lead towards our hotel room so celebrate not only our joining in marriage, but our growing little baby. The one thing that's certain though is that those billions of stars really had my back.