Love You More

1. Highway to Hell

I always found that talking to myself was always a much more positive experience than not doing it, or worse, doing it with someone else. Lets be honest, I rarely disagree with myself.

I am confirming I have all I need.

"Passport and ESTA? Check. Adaptors? Check. Chargers? Check. Suitcase? Check. Coat? Check. Oyster? Check. Mobile? Check."

The flight leaves in roughly 4 hours and I am ready to go. I always get excited before flying. It's been 3 days since I have left my job and I feel pretty good about this trip and the future. I am aiming to be in Heathrow 2 hours before departure and it will take me just under 2 hours to get there, so I grab my stuff and bring them downstairs, say goodbye to my beautiful goddaughter and her parents and off I go. It will be a long trip to Heathrow. I walk to the bus stop, take the bus to the train station, take the train to the tube station, take the tube to Green Park, swap to the Picadilly line and ride the Royal blue line for 1 hour. I am travelling light considering I will be away for 2 weeks but until 5 years ago I had lived most of my life out of a suitcase, moving house frequently and staying in the hotels I manage quite often, so the skills of packing the essential are a given. I have a large suitcase and a tote bag and that's more than enough. I have plenty of space in the suitcase for souvenirs.

Last night I didn't sleep much. There was this police helicopter flying around the area and as disturbing as it was, I assume they were not doing it for fun, so I searched for my earplugs and tried to sleep. In hindsight, turning on the bedside lamp to search for the earplugs was a terrible idea because I couldn't sleep after that. This was about 2 am and finally at 7 am I managed to go back to sleep. Living with a toddler means that sleeping after 8.30 am is practically impossible. First because Beatriz, Bia for short, wants to dance, scream and shout, but also because she wants ME to dance, scream and shout with her, so she has become my alarm when I am not working. Who needs Alexa or Google when you have a child crawling onto your bed and sitting on you when you're fast asleep?

I shut my eyes on the Picadilly line and have a light nod off moment. I have become quite good at it. I can even do it while standing. That moment of emptiness in your mind that allows it to go on standby while still holding your limbs up straight? I am all up for such episodes. 10 seconds are usually enough. Today, however, my body wants to quit on the limbs bit and my head goes backward with a bang on the window. I open my eyes startled and shut them again. There it goes my head again, this time forwards. Today would be an awesome day to empty my mind for 10 seconds and reset. I am starting to feel a headache coming and I really don't want it to materialise. I am not sure if I will be able to sleep on the plane. My head tilts and lands on the side glass. I doze off.

"The next stop is Heathrow Airport. Please exit here for Terminal 5." The announcement woke me up but my headache is worse. I really didn't need this now.

I go to the check in desks and say goodbye to my suitcase. I confirm once again I have everything I need with me.

"Passport and ESTA? Check. Adaptor? Check. Charger? Check. Mobile? Check. Coat? Check. Purse? Check. Earphones? Check. Travel pillow? Check. Laptop? Check." We are good to go.

I go through security and wait for my turn to get my bag scanned. It is quite busy but I guess it is always like this. I don't fly often from Heathrow. I am more of a Gatwick kinda girl, meaning, I travel low cost as much as possible and stay close to home. To be honest, the only time I've been out of Europe was when I flew to Morocco for a quick girls trip. So this trip is not only a goodbye to a stressful job, it's also a hello to adventure. Travelling alone is my favourite way of exploring and I will make sure this trip is as enjoyable as possible.

My head has other plans though. The headache is getting worse and all I want is to get to the gate and sit down. I really don't an episode of auras because that will most certainly bring blackouts. I have been here before and it's not pleasant and I would be reluctant to ask for help when I will undoubtedly need it. Having passed the Border Control, I drag myself to the gate. I find a corner seat, get my earplugs on with soothing music and try to block out everything and everyone.