Waves of Ice: a Wings of Fire fanfiction (COMPLETED)

45.

trigger warning: discussions of childhood trauma, addiction or self-harm-like symptoms, gore and violence, death

PART ONE: CLEARSIGHT

I am not a murderer.

I hand out spears and knives and daggers to dragon after dragon, a sick feeling churning in my gut.

I'm a bad mom, and a mediocre wife at best, but I'm not a murderer.

"Okay, okay," I groan, sitting down beside Heartfire. I feel like I could just collapse into the grass and never get up. "What are we gonna do?"

I don't expect him to answer—he's just a good listener, and sometimes it's nice to talk to someone who isn't a total mess.

He hands me a sketch of the palace. "Here, look at this. We know Vigilance and Allknowing are hiding pretty high up, where the fire didn't do too much damage, and we want to lure them down to one of the lower levels—somewhere they probably won't be prepared to defend. That's where you come in—Allknowing hates you and she'll do anything to see you dead, so all you have to do is lure her and Vigilance down. Then, our forces come out of hiding and attack from all sides of the throne room, which should be more than enough to capture Allknowing. You then challenge Vigilance for the throne, kill her, and the kingdom is ours--well, technically I guess it should go to Allknowing, legally speaking, but who's gonna enforce that, you know? She's not even popular amongst the nobility anymore, and half of the dragons that might have backed her are dead, so..." He clears his throat. "But if you really wanted to be safe, you could kill her too."

I hadn't even thought about that. Three moons. I give my friend a weird look. "That's.... a really good plan, Heartfire."

"Well, I am the minister of war," he points out, chuckling. "Didn't get this job for nothing."

"Okay." I rub my eyes and sigh, taking a glance at the mess of lines and notes on the parchment. "You can explain this better than I can--would you mind briefing everyone? I just need... a moment."

"Of course." Heartfire nods, and rushes off--leaving me alone.

I watch as the stars fade from the sky, weirdly memerized. I take my knife out from its sheath and run my talon along the flat side of the blade.

I wonder what Foeslayer would think if she could see me now. If Listener would stand with me--if Star would be proud. If they would understand.

I hope so.

"Queen Clearsight," I whisper to no one.

It doesn't feel quite real, somehow. Maybe I'll get used to it in time. I hope so.

A twig snaps beneath Darkstalker's talons. He grumbles, gingerly disentangling his wing from a thicket of brambles.

"Hey, love." I lean into his shoulder and let my eyes slip closed.

"You have a knife," He observes, a little grin tugging at the edges of his snout.

I roll my eyes. "Good job, genius."

"Shut up," he mutters, swatting at me playfully. We both laugh, lingering in the moment for far longer than we really should.