drarry oneshots

dancing with your ghost

song: dancing with your ghost by sasha sloan

tw: death, implied suicide, mentions of abuse, depression and anxiety

it was empty. everyone had left a while ago, leaving him alone surrounded by damp grass, drooping flowers and grey stones. they had all tried to take him away but they failed. he needed to be with him for just a little while longer. just a little bit longer, that's all he wanted.

he had been standing in the same spot for hours now. his hunched shoulders hiding away his slender frame and his blonde hair falling in front of his red rimmed eyes, covering the tear stains upon his cheeks.

he felt empty. he had never felt more empty in mind, body or soul. how was he supposed to feel anything when he was gone? for hours he would have no emotion, the pain crushing him, leaving him incapable of everything. it left him broken, inside and out. the tears wouldn't roll down, and the screams wouldn't escape past his quivering lips. then all at once he'd be on the floor, shaking with a grief that bled from his bones.

for hours he just stood, but the emptiness in his heart, the numbness pounding his brain, the salty tears that flowed unchecked from his eyes, the shear nothingness that now took hold of his soul threatened to engulf him entirely. his legs buckled, knees sinking into the earth.

he brought his hands to his face as he let out a pained scream. he screamed at the world, wondering why it let go of him. why it let go of harry. he could hold the heartbreak no longer as he looked up at the sky and his grief came pouring out in a flood of uncontrollable tears.

"why'd you go away!" he yelled, broken.

he bent over and cliched the earth in his hands, trying to gain control as sobs punched through his gut.

"i'm still here." he sobbed. "i'm still your boy."

he curled over himself, holding his arms across his chest, as if there was someone he was holding. he was holding on too tightly, he knew that but all he wanted to do was put his head up in the clouds and find him. he hoped harry was somewhere nice, he deserved it. after everything he had been through, the least he deserved was to be somewhere nice after he was gone.

how was he supposed to love again? all he needed was harry but he was gone now. he didn't get the chance to say a last goodbye. it was all his fault too. it was his fault he couldn't say a last goodbye, it was his fault harry was gone, it was his fault so many people were in pain. if he just hadn't gone out to that party, then harry would still be here. if he hadn't gone out to that party, there wouldn't be blood stars on the towels in their bathroom. if he hadn't gone out to that party, them maybe instead of a simple goodbye alongside a quick kiss and an 'i love you' thrown in, draco would've been able to hold harry one last time and tell him how much he loves him and how much he means to him.

it had been two weeks since he had died and draco was trying to let go, to not hold on so tightly but it hurt to even try. what was he supposed to do without harry? what was he without harry?

he couldn't go home. not tonight. he knew if he went home he'd only see harry. every time he turned his head he saw a fleeting image of harry. whether it was of him sitting on the sofa, standing making dinner or sprawled out on their bed. harry was always there, he was just harder to see than most.

ever since harry had died, draco had spent his nights awake, telling himself that he was alright. it was easier to lie to himself than face the truth.

draco noticed that the sun was beginning to set. this time of day always used to be his favourite. but that was when harry was still here. now this time of day made draco want to run away from himself. he wanted to escape the memories just for a little while.