drarry oneshots

trainwreck

song: trainwreck by james arthur

tw: anxiety, anxiety attack, eating disorder (not wanting to eat food, feeling disgusted at the sight of food),possible suicide attempt.

the way it was all consuming, everyday. it crept through his veins, lurking in the shadows, waiting. waiting to jump out and take away colours and brightness. ready to submerge him in water and hold him there until he was barely conscious.

he liked to lay there in the silence and wait for the sirens. he liked looking for signs. signs he was still alive. he felt a tear roll down his cheek. he hadn't even realised he was crying. he was terrified.

he quickly wiped away the tear as he heard the door open and stood up from the cold floor he was lying on. he took a deep breath and put his mask on, hiding himself deep behind it, curling up into a ball into the darkest corner he could find.

he walked into the kitchen, a small smile painted on his face.

"hey. how was your run?" draco asked, softly.

harry turned to face draco, his smile big and his eyes gentle.

"it was good. have you been up long? do you want me to make breakfast?" harry asked.

fear. it was only momentary. harry been on a run and he was offering to make breakfast. draco had been up all night and he hadn't done anything. fear. it was only momentary. but it was enough to remind him that he wasn't good enough.

"no, no. i'll do it. you go and have a shower." draco said as he moved to the fridge.

harry smiled brightly as he wrapped draco in a warm, comforting embrace.

"thank you." harry pressed a gentle kiss to the top of draco's forehead. "i love you."

draco hid his face in harry's neck so harry didn't have to see the pain on draco's face as he heard those words. 'i love you'. but why? draco couldn't understand why harry would say those words to him.

"i love you too." draco said quietly as he separated from the safety of harry's arms.

draco went about making breakfast. his movements felt so slow and lethargic, like something was weighing him down. something was sitting on his shoulders, unwilling to move. lodged in his chest with no way of getting out. his hands trembled as he picked up the knife and sliced some fruit. intrusive thoughts took over any empty space draco had in his mind. draco placed the knife and exhaled shakily, gripping onto the counter. draco didn't want to lose it but right now, he was struggling to get through everything.

draco placed a bowl of fruit and yoghurt on the table for himself and some toast and eggs for harry. draco looked at his breakfast in disgust, his lower lip trembling. he slowly sat down at his chair and placed his head in his hands, willing his head to clear.

"hey, you alright?"

draco felt a gentle hand on his shoulder. he looked up and saw harry's warm eyes looking down at him,

"yeah, just tired." draco replied, his voice empty.

"make sure you get an early night tonight, okay?"

harry pressed a kiss to draco's forehead. draco melted into the touch, savouring the warmth he felt from harry because as soon as harry was gone, draco would be submerged under a frozen lake, unable to break through the layer of ice at the top.

draco felt so empty and so full. his emotions were numb, unable to feel anything. but his head was constantly buzzing, thoughts screaming and yelling at him. reminding him that he wasn't good enough and that he shouldn't have a place on this earth even though he knew all of that already.