I was in my bedroom early in the morning feeling depressed about my boring life. I was listening to one of Ariana Grande's songs and always wished that I was her. I was a 19 year old boy. I was crying because I wanted a life like hers. Mine was extremely boring and I was doing things that I didn't want to. I was studying Architecture. I thought that I would have liked it since I thought that it was just drawing buildings as art. I did that and art when I was younger but I wasn't interested anymore. There was a set of rules that I had to learn called zoning and I wasn't interested in designing or dealing with buildings. I wasn't happy. I did it also because my parents wanted me to do it. I had no passion and I didn't love anything. The only thing that I loved was Ariana Grande as a celebrity but it became obsession dangerously. I had a pmo addiction since I was 11 and I did that to escape my thoughts and feelings but now my feelings became too strong and my pmo addiction influenced my feelings even more. I was a fan of Ariana Grande since the Victorious days when she was Cat. She was actually my first crush even though I didn't know her but knew her by television. I just stayed alive waiting for death because I wasn't interested in my life. I always hoped to die soon. I didn't commit suicide because I didn't want to go to hell and I didn't know how my family would react. When I was a kid I didn't have these problems. I had good communication with my family before. I force my self to act in different situations by pretending that I like architecture. I was cutting myself and stabbing myself recently since I couldn't be Ariana Grande, but I didn't want to be her. I just wanted to be free. My feelings would change to positive on some days but today was a bad day. I started to cry to her song called "The Way". I cried because it looked like she was having so much fun before and I wanted that fun. She was around my current age in that music video. I wasted my childhood. I took my childhood away from me. A tear drop fell on my cellphone screen on Ariana's face. All of a sudden I started to feel weird and my surroundings and my bedroom were fading away as they spun.
