Laying down in bed I curled up against my pillow and cried. I was so tired of going through this it was really embarrassing. While I'm crying and sulking in my room he's probably out on a date or fucking her. My mother came in the room I didn't even bother wiping my face I'm so over it.
She sat next to my bed as my head hung low, she grabbed my hand and squeezed it. My lip instantly started to quiver I don't know what it was I just think it's something about a mother's affection.
"Come on butt get dressed I want to take you somewhere" I looked at her and smiled weakly.
"I appreciate that ma but I'm not really in the mood"
"I wasn't asking" she tapped my butt and walked out of the room. Dragging myself out of the bed I pulled out my Adidas shorts with an adidas shirt. Changing into the outfit I put my anklet on and put on my air forces. Getting the shine and jam along with the brush out of the bathroom I looked in the mirror and did my hair. It took about twenty minutes before I was done my mom sat on the couch I guess she was waiting one me.
"You look nice baby" I thanked her as we walked to the car. She pulled out and followed the directions to wherever we were going. My mind drifted to Ice and I, I really thought we could work that was my first mistake. My second mistake was falling for someone when i didn't even know if we were secure or not. I didn't even mean to fall for him it just happened I loved the good and bad times we spent together. It may sound crazy but I cherished the times we fought as long as I was in his presence nothing else mattered it just sucks he doesn't feel the same way.
Feeling the wetness trickle down my face I wiped my tears and looked up. I frowned when I seen that we stopped in front of a nice house looking at my mother she smiled my way before getting out the car.
"Get out the car girl" she said and I chuckled. Walking to where she stood I grabbed her hand and walked to the door. When I seen her hand going for the knob I got concerned.
"Wait momma don't we have to call somebody" I said fear lacing my voice this was a very nice neighborhood and we were probably the only black people on this street I didn't want any one to think we were breaking in.
"Why? This our place" she opened the door and my mouth dropped it was beautiful. This could not be true, this had to be a fucking dream. I trailed my fingers along the couch that rested in our living room. Our living room that shit sounded good to say and I couldn't stop the tears that came out.
"Do you like it ba- what's wrong butt" she walked over to me as my wells got louder. I was honestly overwhelmed I haven't had a chance to get myself together and heal from a lot of things.
"It's just been so much going on ma and I'm just really happy something good has been put into my lap because I was starting to think I had bad luck" she pulled me to our new couch. I would never get tired of saying that, never.
"Talk to mama" we sat on the same side of the couch facing each other with our feet up but shoes off. Chuckling I laid my head on the pillow and blew a breath.
"You remember ice" she thought for a minute.
"The one that cursed ya daddy out" she questioned and I laughed kind of embarrassed, remembering that day like it was yesterday.
"We're dating- well I don't know what we doing but it's difficult and draining I kind of miss it like it may sound crazy but I loved every moment with him the good and the ugly. No matter what the situation was I didn't care as long as I was with him. Relationships go through things and we went through a lot in just three months when we fought, we fought. But when we made up, we made up and I miss falling asleep on his chest or getting up in the middle of the night talking to him just seeing his smile lights me up. mom I'm hurting bad he made me feel something Kai couldn't and we were together for three years I've never experienced something like that before" smiling to myself I began to get sad. "So when he told me he didn't want to be with me anymore it hurt me because he didn't see us how I seen us he didn't cherish every moment like how I did. I went to his house because he wasn't answering my calls or anything all I wanted to know was, what's up that's it and I got that when a girl opened the door with his shirt on and gave him a kiss" tears streamed down my face as the memory flashed back in my head.
"I don't know how to make me better ma I'm trying when I feel cornered or like somethings about to happen my first reaction is to get violent and I told him about my past that's why it hurts even more I thought he would understand the truth is he doesn't love me the way I love him" I love him. No, scratch that I'm in love with him.
"Mom I fell in love in three months I'm so stupid, why couldn't I just be a better person" I buried my face in my hands a cried like no one was around. There was so much I was holding in that I just needed it to be out. My mom scooted closer to me and uncovered my face but I kept my head down. This was embarrassing.
"Look at me butt" I slowly looked up and she smiled before wiping my nose. "My beautiful baby there's nothing wrong with you you're the most amazing person I know from how you carry yourself and the way you care for others I've never witnessed someone so pure with such a good heart. Let me apologize on me and your father's behalf we're part of the reason you feel like this as parents we failed you, you should've never grown up around that. No one wants to see their parents fighting it's not right and I'm sorry for that butt I should've got us both out of that situation I hadn't realized how that would've effected you but it's too late because I see that it has" I broke down again and she continued to wipe my tears.
"Now, about this ice person nothing that has came out of me will chase after anyone let's set that straight. You fell in love butt and there's nothing wrong with that love has no time on it I don't give a fuck who tells you that it does and if he isn't strong enough to stick around while your down then he's not strong enough to stick around when your up" Just hearing that made my heart crush why couldn't he just stick around am I that bad? Is that why Kai cheated on me?
"Please don't beat yourself up about this I know you don't want to hear it but there's plenty of people out here that wouldn't mind giving you the world but for right now focus on you" she squeezed my hands and I nodded my head taking in everything she said. No matter what my mother and I went through I'd forever love her she's my everything.
"Before we finish our new house tour" she did a little dance on the couch making me laugh. "I have to tell you something" I gulped not knowing what I was about to hear.
"I'm going to rehab" my eyes widened before I attacked her with a hug. I couldn't help it but I started crying again she was finally getting help I wasn't going to lose my mother. "Don't cry" her voice cracked as we pulled away from each other.
"I'll be gone for a month the bills are already handled for that time so all you have to do is kick up and relax the facility I'm going to allows us to have visits, make calls and everything" she said with excitement as she cried. "You can invite Tai' Sani and Mariah anytime you want so you won't be bored you father will drop by sometimes to make sure everything's okay" nodding my head I smiled and at this moment a happinesses that I haven't felt in a long time finally took over me.
